Author: Richard Kane

Well hello there humanoids. T’is I, Richard F’n Kane, with a special pre-RKane Domain column. Now though I suppose I could justify making this the official first edition I have chosen to forego such action, due mainly to the nature of this ‘ere column. Unfortunately I will be absent for an undisclosed amount of time as from tomorrow but I couldn’t leave without putting out a decent-sized effort, seeing as how I’ve yet to fully establish myself as an actual member of the BP.com writing staff. I won’t rant on about why, for this is neither the time nor the place. Plus, frankly… I’d rather just get on with it.

So what does the British Boy Wonder have in store for ya’ll? Well, peep’s, what we have is a wrestling-based mini-column this time round in The RKane One’s Wrestlemania XX Prediction Conniption, which will in turn double as an insight into this revived fan’s current thoughts on all things WWE. I’m toying with different subjects here as last time I focused briefly on the music side of things, seeing as how both subjects will feature heavily in the real column when the time comes. So there. I know there’s still a whole bunch of wrestling fans like myself round these parts so if you are a fan then enjoy, if not… why you readin’?

Oh, before I’d start I’d just like to thank John and everyone else for their tolerance. My professionalism has been severely lacking but I can honestly say that things will change. During my absence I’ll be knocking up the first official RKane Domain and it’ll be big, and it’ll be up as soon as I return. That’s a promise.

Anywayz, let’s get this ball rollin’.
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Women’s Title
If Molly Loses Her Head Gets Shaven
Victoria (C) -V- Molly Holly
Ah, the women’s division. I still don’t care. That being said though we at the very least have two very capable workers here, though I still hope it doesn’t go on for too long. The WWE has made it quite clear where the women stand in their eyes (as proven later on in the card) and as a result it’s pretty much desensitised the majority, hence the lack of interest in the women’s division. In any case my pick for this match is Molly Holly. For one I don’t really think creative has any real idea what to do with Victoria and for two I just really can’t imagine Molly, or any woman for that matter giving up their hair. It’s just… not right. My only hope is that they don’t give the title to Molly just so Lita has someone to feud with. Now THAT’S some painful viewing right there.

Cruiserweight Title
Cruiserweight Open
Chavo Guerrero (C) -V- Rey Mysterio -V- Billy Kidman -V- Ultimo Dragon -V- Funaki -V- Nunzio -V- Tajiri -V- Jamie Noble -V- Shannon Moore -V- Akio
I think I may be in the minority here in saying that I’m quite glad this match was booked. Sure, Rey -V- Chavo would’ve been a dead cert BUT I’m quite happy to wait for a rematch. What I see here is an opportunity for all these 10 guys to shine and I’m guessing there’s going to be PLENTY of high-spots. Hopefully eyes will be opened as a result of this match because the talent the WWE have on offer in their Cruiserweight division is just mind-boggling. I was hoping though that there’d be a guest entry, especially after hearing rumours that the WWE has signed Psicosis. At the end of the day though I’m seeing this match as fuel for the Rey/Chavo feud so with that being said I predict that Chavo Guerrero will retain. It’ll come down to Chavo and Rey, cue interference from Chavo Sr. and voila, you’ve got your rematch at Backlash. Well, one can hope.

Playboy Evening Gown Match
Stacy Kiebler/Miss Jackie -V- Sable/Torrie Wilson
I DON’T CARE! None of these women have any business being anywhere near a wrestling ring! The only reason this match was booked was for eye-candy purposes but hell, that’s what all the damn calendars and diva shoots and whatnot are for! Plus this just promotes what’s wrong with the WWE right now. They’d rather hark on about a totally underwhelming Playboy shoot then give us an actual WRESTLING MATCH. Now aside from the fact that I happen to believe that Torrie Wilson is perhaps the most unspectacular bimbo to ever “grace” the WWE the fact is her and Sable’s latest “wonderful” Playboy shoot was a sham. We’ve already seen both so-called “hotties” in those oh-so “hallowed” pages (hope I’m not coming across as too sarcastic here) and, ya know… we saw a whole lot more the first two times round. So why go do it again? Oh, I see… the lesbian thing. Whoop-dee-fricking-doo! Aaaaanywayz… Sable & Torrie will win, no one will care. The only way they’ll be able to justify having this match on the card is if there’s REAL flesh on display. I don’t care for T&A in wrestling but if they’re gonna keep teasing all the damn time they should at least have the bottle to go that one step further on the biggest show of them all. Oh, and just thought I’d point out that Trish Stratus, whom I respect a great deal has turned down Playboy numerous times. What’s this have to do with anything? The girl worked her ass off to get herself over as a WRESTLER and she’s sticking to her guns, not wanting to go tarnish all that she’s worked for just for a quick boost in popularity flashing her “puppies” in a shoot that the general public will ultimately forget. Yet who does Vince favour? Vince, the guy who just signed two former Playboy playmates instead of women who actually know how to wrestle. Uh oh, I’m ranting…

Chris Jericho -V- Christian
This should be a good ‘un. I’ve actually enjoyed this storyline and with any luck it’ll add a decent amount of heat to what should be a class match. Christian’s finally getting somewhere as a standalone heel and though Jericho as a heel is usually golden I’m confident another face run will freshen his character up again, especially if he ends up paired with Trish for good. So yeah, I’m predicting a Chris Jericho victory here via interference from the vengeful Trish Stratus. Then, if creative has ANY sense whatsoever Jericho and Trish will embrace in one those dramatic bubblegum sitcom moments and this whole storyline will have actually been worth it. And Jericho will be a lucky sonofabitch.

Unites States Title
Big Show (C) -V- John Cena
I don’t really care for this feud but as long as Cena ends up with the US title round his waist I’ll be happy, and it kinda seems as though that’s the only point to this feud anyway. So yeah, I’m predicting a win from John Cena. It SHOULD be an okay match, though I aint expecting anything special. I think Cena needs the belt and in my opinion he’s far more deserving, though to Show’s credit he did deliver a pretty decent promo this past week on Smackdown! He still doesn’t deserve so much air-time though. Unless he loses some damn weight. Which he won’t. So blah.

World Tag Team Titles
Rob Van Dam/Booker T (C) -V- La Resistance -V- Mark Jindrak/Garrison Cade -V- The Dudleys
I don’t actually know if The Dudleys are in yet but I’m assuming so. Either way I don’t care, because I have no reason to care about this match. The Tag Team division on RAW is possibly one of the worst booked divisions ever in the history of the industry so why should I care? Jindrak & Cade will probably pull the upset victory, despite having the collective charisma of a toilet brush. Then maybe they’ll send RVD to Smackdown. Or maybe they’ll just let his contract run out. Because they suck.

The Rock & Sock Connection -V- Evolution
I’m predicting this will be a FUN match, if nothing else. It’ll be nice to see Mick Foley back in action and The Rock’s been extremely entertaining the last few times he’s shown up (despite looking like a complete freak with that stupid goatee). I don’t think we’ll be seeing much action from the injured Ric Flair so it’ll be up to Randy Orton and Batista to put on a good show… which is a little alarming. Orton CAN be good and Batista… well, he sucks but alas, as long as they keep the focus on Foley and Orton things should work out fine. The feud’s been built up quite well over the past few weeks, though I really don’t see Orton as a breakout star. At all. Hell, it’s taken him a feud with one of the greatest legend’s in the business to generate any real heat. I see The Rock & Sock Connection winning this one, because I doubt they’d bring The Rock back in for the biggest show of the year just to lose, although I did have second thoughts about my prediction on this one many times. Oh, and for those who don’t know, that horrible injury Foley sustained at the hands of Orton was REAL. Foley actually asked Orton to hit him as hard as he could during a beatdown. Props to Orton for being brave enough to do it and props to Foley for still being one of the most insanely dedicated guys ever. All hail him. Or else.

Undertaker -V- Kane
Stupid feud, though we all knew it was going to happen. The ONLY thing I’m looking forward to in this match is the return of the Deadman, though I’m apprehensive due to the fact that I don’t really think he can pull it off anymore. We’ll see. Seeing Paul Bearer should be a nice nostalgic touch. Bottom line is though Kane… sucks, frankly. They’ve destroyed him to put it simply. Undertaker will win, obviously, and this match will get over on the premise alone. Content-wise it will most likely suck, because this Deadman aint the Deadman I care to remember.

Brock Lesnar -V- Goldberg
Special Guest Referee “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
I’m looking forward to this match, despite the fact they haven’t have Goldberg on TV in weeks to help promote it. I can see this match being stiff as hell and at the very least it should be intense. Hopefully Austin doesn’t get involved too much during the match. Brock Lesnar will win though, and here’s why. For one I don’t see them renewing Goldberg’s contract (which is a real dumb move, though I’m by no means a Goldberg mark) and for two I’m guessing Vince just sees it as another nail in WCW’s coffin, having WCW’s biggest name lay down for the WWE’s own version (and don’t try and deny that Lesnar was originally meant to be just that.) I’m beginning to think that MAYBE Austin will interfere and cost Goldberg the match though because as many people have said, it would be MONEY to have Austin’s very last feud be against Goldberg.

WWE Title
Eddie Guerrero (C) -V- Kurt Angle
This match will steal the show, no doubt about it. Eddie HAS to win this though so yeah, I predict Eddie Guerrero will retain. Eddie is insanely over and I don’t see why they’d have him beat Lesnar for the title just to hand it Angle a month later. Plus given the way this feud’s been booked it seems Eddie will have the emotional support from the fans, as he’s been booked as the underdog against Angle given all the verbal berating and beatdowns. If Angle wins it will be the dumbest thing the WWE has done in a very, very long time, although I really don’t see it happening as there’s a lot of concern about the condition of Angle’s neck lately, despite him saying everything’s fine. Rumours suggest that creative are a little dubious about keeping Angle in the main-event scene when they can’t be 100% sure that his neck’s going to hold out, which is a fair point I guess. I don’t really think it’d hurt to send Angle down to the midcard for a bit to help put over some of the up-and-coming talent, as there’s no one on Smackdown better for the job. This won’t be the last time Eddie and Kurt clash but after this feud I’d suggest bringing up a fresh face to the main-event scene. Eddie’s a fresh face himself so it’d be a wise move in my opinion.

World Heavyweight Title
Triple H (C) -V- Chris Benoit -V- Shawn Michaels
Poor, poor Benoit. What does his Rumble win mean now? Nothing. This guy never complains, always gives his best, works harder than anyone on the damn roster and how’s he treated? They don’t even have faith in him to headline in a one-on-one match! BULLSHIT! This is all another lame excuse for the Triple H/Michaels egothon to once again steal the spotlight anyway. Fuck Triple H. I seriously hate his lazy ass and his stupid politics. Benoit WON’T win, because Shawn Michaels is going to pin him to win the World Title to prove he can win the “big one” one last time and so that Triple H doesn’t have to lay down on the biggest night of the year. Plus he’d never lie down for the man he could only ever dream of being half as good as anyway. Oh, and has anyone else noticed how much they’re trying NOT to put Benoit over as a face? This makes me wonder if they’re going to have him turn heel so he can feud with Michael’s, culminating in a match at Backlash where Benoit HAS to win that damn belt. If he doesn’t, well… fuck the WWE basically. Still, this will be a decent match as long as they don’t have Triple H dominating for the better part.
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And that’s it folks! I’m looking forward to WM20 a whole damn lot and with ANY luck things will start to pick up after. My faith has only just been rekindled so here’s hoping for a better year for the WWE. Who knows, maybe Vince will become sane again. Then again… no, no he won’t.

Until next time ya’ll keep safe, respect & out!

-RKane

Jump back to Nina, Age 17.
There I was walking to my local music store to buy new guitar strings. Bella, my 6 string, had suddenly become a 4 string because some macho douche bag had tried to impress me by “tuning her” so he could play some shitty song he wrote. Well he broke my A string and my G string (hold your comments; I’ve heard it before, not funny.) I enter the store, ready to get my new strings and then go home to play some new songs I had written. The clerk was a fat middle aged man in a Steve Vai t-shirt and the worst mutton chops I had ever seen in my entire life. He and the pimpled young man in the store were discussing wrestling and who was better. The bell rang as I entered and they looked at me like I had three heads. Mr. Mutton Chops gave me an unctuous smile and greeted me with “Hi sweetheart, what can I help you with.” I told him I needed a pack of Elixir strings for an acoustic guitar. He sold the pack to me, asking very condescendingly if I “knew how to put them on.” I assured Mutton Chops that yes, I did indeed know how to put them on.
“So are you a beginner?” He oozed.
“No, I’ve been playing for a year and a half.”
“Aw, how sweet.”
I left that shop feeling dirty, and very underestimated. In his eyes I could see that he imagined I would probably sit there, in a red fluffy teddy, trying to restring my guitar, realize I had no idea what I was doing, and then break down in tears wishing I had gotten a lesson in stringing guitars. After that I would just use the broken strings to tie up some of my attractive female friends and…well…you get the point.
And now to Nina, present day.
It is very difficult to become active in a band, because nobody ever really things you can play. I’ve been playing since I was 16 and I’ve become one hell of a good rhythm guitarist. Most guys have the misconception that I either, can’t play very well, or only play lesbian singer/songwriter music. These are the problems with being a female guitarist in a male dominated music scene.
I get a bevy of different responses when I tell other musicians that I play guitar.
“Oh, that’s nice. Like Jewel? She’s got a pretty voice.”
“Aw, how cute.”
“Yeah..sure.”
I know that this is never the response that guys get when they play guitar.
Fortunately for me, there are many good factors to being a female guitarist. When they actually find out for themselves that I can indeed play the guitar like a mother fuckin’ riot, I get a hell of a lot of respect from them. Some, I dare say, even find it attractive to see a girl rocking out.
Playing the guitar has made a huge impact on my life because it gives me a whole other outlet to express myself. I’m glad that I picked up playing the guitar, and I hope to do it for the rest of my life.
So up yours Mutton Chops.

Very recently I attended a local show in Boston, and low and behold I was surrounded by 14 and 15 year old girls in punk garb. The ripped gloves, the pyramid belts, the plaid skirts, the pins on the bag. As I was noticing the sea of shaggy black haircuts, I found myself getting more and more hostile at the environment I had paid 5 bucks to enter. I found myself hating these girls. I hated their stupid hair, I hated their stupid bags, I hated their stupid homemade t-shirts, I even hated their shoes.
I couldn’t understand how I had let myself get this bitter.
I remember a time, not so long ago, when I attended my first ska show. I was 14 and it was at a small club called the Phoenix out on the Island. For those of you in the know of the ska scene on Long Island back in..1997/1998 it was Just In Time and Artie’s Taxi. There I was riding in the back of Christina’s mother’s minivan and I was all set to go. I had my hair in braids, I had my sneakers colored in with black and white checks, and I was decked out in plaid. Being a scene kid in a school where being a scene kid wasn’t cool, I was so happy to see other people who looked just like me. Finally, I thought, a place where I belong. The music started and there I was, skanking my little rude girl heart out with a crowd of 50 other kids. God, I felt so alive. I felt the energy of the other people around me, the drums pounding through my body, the guitars rocking out so hard.
I was sent away to boarding school for high school, where I was even more of an outcast than I had been in middle school. My fashion sense got even more severe because I wanted to make it absolutely clear that I was different than the rest of the cookie cutter students who went to my school. Short plaid skirts, huge bell pants, tight ripped shirts, spike bracelets. Everyone thought I was a freak, and I felt alive because I knew exactly who I was and what I stood for. When I went to shows, I felt whole because I knew I wasn’t being judged. When I was at a show I wasn’t a freak, I wasn’t a presumed Satanist, I wasn’t an outcast. However, despite all that, I was stupid. I thought, in my teenage ignorance, that if I dressed that way, ultimately I was cooler, smarter, and more interesting than the “sheep” in the Abercrombie.
Fast forward to now, here I am, more into all the different music scenes than I ever was. Look around me, all my friends, looks wise and taste wise, are extremely different for me. As for myself, I don’t dress as extreme as I once did. What I look like does not reflect what I listen to, more who I am. I have enough confidence in myself to not hide behind a style. I have enough knowledge to know that what someone looks like does not determine whether or not we can be friends.
So I asked myself, why all the hostility?
Maybe it’s because I see so much of myself in these girls, struggling to be a part of something at a time when nothing fits in place. I see myself in the insecure little girls, gathered in groups of 3 or 4, looking in awe at the place they have found themselves. I know what they are thinking. I know how they feel. I pass by Hot Topic and I see these girls spending lots of money on clothes that will make them fit in better. I just want to shake them and tell them that it doesn’t matter what they wear, because clothing isn’t going to create who you are. But I guess these are things they need to learn as they get older.
Or maybe I’m just getting old

Rent, The Phantom of the Opera, The Producers, Les Miserables…Fuck ’em. I have a new favorite musical and it’s so good that regardless of musical tastes, or enjoyment of theatre, everyone enjoys it.
Last month, as a holiday present, my sister, brother-in-law and I went to see a performance of Avenue Q. This musical, brought up from Off Broadway to Broadway (which is a difficult task) has won countless awards, and for good reason.
Some uninformed theatre critics may say that Avenue Q has gained success because it has a gimmick, which is that it uses puppets as some of its main characters. I too had this opinion, but after the first musical number, What do you do with a B.A. in English?/ It Sucks to Be Me, I was sold.
Avenue Q takes the idea of Sesame Street, using puppets and human actors to teach life lessons, and sticks a lit M-80 up its butt. This show is definitely not for children. With songs like “If you were gay”, “The internet is for porn” and my personal favorite, “Everyone’s a little bit racist” this show is strictly for adults.
There is a plot, I promise. Princeton (a puppet, voiced and performed brilliantly by John Tartaglia) just graduated college finds himself an apartment on Avenue Q. He sets out to find his purpose in life, and living his life outside of college in the real world. I may add at this time that the super of this dilapidated apartment building is none other than Gary Coleman. Yes, THE Gary Coleman, who is not played by himself but rather a very funny and talented woman named Natalie Venetia Belcon.
Living in the apartment building along side Princeton, and Gary Coleman are a crazy group of puppets and humans. There is Kate Monster , a puppet, who has dreams of opening up her monster school and finding a boyfriend. There are Brian and Christmas Eve, two humans, trying to get by without having jobs. A puppet named Trekkie Monster (who suspiciously resembles Cookie Monster) a monosyllabic monster that enjoys, what else, internet pornography, and two roommate puppets, Rod (a closet homosexual) and Nicky (a fun loving slob who tries to get Rod to feel comfortable expressing his sexuality.) Rod and Nicky also very closely mirror Sesame Streets closeted homosexual and fun loving slob, Burt and Ernie.
Asides from being ridiculously hilarious, Avenue Q also makes a lot of good points, very relevant in this day and age. Issues such as homosexuality, racism, love, and finding ones purpose are all raised, leaving audience members feeling both very amused, and very refreshed. It proved itself to be beyond just a show where puppets curse and talk about adult things (Crank Yankers, anyone) and it actually delivered messages about life.
I can honestly say I have never laughed this hard in my whole life, beating out the time that bitchy Jamie Freedman came on stage in Grease with her skirt tucked into her underwear at summer camp in 6th grade. Even if you don’t like musicals, you will like Avenue Q, if not just for puppets saying fuck a lot.

It should be common knowledge to all by now that I have a serious love for music. Most of the bands on my top 10 favorite-all-time bands are ones that some of you know and love. However, my musical penchants extend themselves far beyond the top 10 list.

Today I would like to discuss some of the albums I own in my collection that when people look through it, they say “yeah..don’t know who that is.” These are bands that I seriously recommend you all give a listen to, for the betterment of society. or something of that sort.

Jeff Buckley
There have been many amazing singer songwriters in my life time. Pete Yorn, Ben Folds, Connor Oberst, the list goes on and on. I think you probably haven’t heard of Jeff Buckley in the news or on television, probably because unfortunately, he’s dead. He died back in 1996 when he was swimming and drowned after a collision with a boat. However, he should still be remembered and talked about today. His voice is like an angel. His guitar skills were incredible. His lyrics…amazing. The way he sang his songs with such a sad but inviting feel makes him perfect for every rainy day or broken heart. I couldn’t describe the genre, because he really doesn’t fit into any one. He’s just really, really, really good.
Recommended Download by Jeff Buckley: “Last Goodbye”

The Eels
There are not enough words in the English language to describe how I feel about The Eels. Infact, to describe them I shall have to make up a word that means “fucking incredible.” The Eels are absolutely…shilpadoo. What makes them so shilpadoo you ask? Well…I’m not really sure exactly what it is. Their songs are really cool and fun and catchy as hell. They rock out like nothing else. They make the perfect band to get drunk to, work to, chill to, or do just about anything to. They are also amazing to see live. What makes the band so amazing is the front man, known only as Mr. E. He is weird, and badass, and he has the coolest voice I’ve ever seen. For such a small man he is absolutely electrifying to watch. They are just straight up rock. No frills. Just pure shilpadoo goodness!
Recommended Download by The Eels: “Novocain for the Soul”

The June Spirit
For those of you who hate emo don’t even consider reading this section. The June Spirit is totally emo, but completely incredible. The only problem with liking them is that you’re not going to see them in concert because they broke up already..twice. The first time was only temporary and they came back with a new awesome singer, but the second time it was for good and the June Spirit is no longer around. However that should not prevent you from investing in listening to them. Both singers are really great. The lyrics are all sad and poignant. The guitars send chills down my spine. The June Spirit are perfect for those times when you’re just sad, and want to listen to music that will make you even sadder. Its pure emo goodness.
Recommended Download by The June Spirit: “..And the Radio Played the Hits”

To all my readers out there, have a very shilpadoo Christmas, and a Shpadoinkle New Year

Until next time…turn off your friggin’ radios.

I would like to start off by thanking everyone for their warm birthday wishes! You guys really made me feel special and happy on this, my 20th birthday. Kisses and hugs for all of you!
I also would like to apologize to everyone for my lack of substance (or presence) in my articles for the past few weeks but its tough, nose to the grindstone time over here at Clark University, but I had some time tonight before going back out to drink to hook you guys up with some Nina brand article love.
Here goes…
Since age 11 my favorite band, hands down, has been Nirvana.
Before I had discovered them my musical taste consisted of…well…lame things. Granted I liked the greats of my parent’s generation like Simon and Garfunkle, Joni Mitchell, James Taylor, and Carol King, but I had no musical taste that was entirely mine. The first c.d. I ever bought for myself was a Boyz 2 Men Album (I know, shut up..). However, in 4th grade this was all about to change.
I remember the first time I heard them was when there was some funky smells coming from my brother’s room. I go up to investigate and he’s sitting there listening to something that sounded really cool. I grew up worshipping my older brother and wanted to do everything I could to bond with him, so I sat and listened with him. I asked him who this was, and he told me it was “Nevermind” by Nirvana. I remember thinking “wow…this is really cool!”. He made me a copy, and for my birthday that year, bought me a copy of “In Utero.”
Granted, I had no idea what a lot of the lyrics meant but the way his voice moved, and the way the guitars just screamed…I was in LOVE. Pretty soon the Bop posters of Rider Strong and Jonathan Taylor Thomas got replaced by pictures of Nirvana. In April of 94, when Kurt died, I didn’t know how to handle it. I had no idea what to do with myself. This was the first band that I ever had felt passionately about, and I wasn’t sure how to deal. For the next couple months I listened to nothing but the “Live from New York” album, and cried to myself when my angel sang “Pennyroyal Tea” all by himself.
I have had many musical taste changes from then till now. In 7th grade I got heavily into NoFX, The Ramones, Pennywise, Sunny Day Real Estate, MDC, The Screeching Weasels, Skanking Pickle, and others. That was the case until midway through freshman year when I went through a very ugly metal phase where I listening to Manson, Limp Bizkit, Kid Rock, and Coal Chamber. However, sophomore year I went right back to my old self, elaborating more by getting into what later became known as “emo” bands.
That’s pretty much how I became to be the person who I am today, however, I still have my Nirvana posters up in my dorm room, I still listen to them all the time, and I still cry when I hear “Pennyroyal Tea.”
Until next time…
Turn off your fuckin’ radio.
Xoxo

Preface:
Readers, your dear beloved Nina has been swamped with work lately, and so in lieu of an article filled with substance this week I give you a fluffy article in the hopes that you may enjoy and not even have to think. I promise my article next week will be more substance filled once I get these pesky papers out of the way. Now, on with the article.

There are many songs out there that put my feelings perfectly into song. Many of them I WISH I had written, but unfortunately I lack the talent, and the time. In the spirit of High Fidelity, this week will be top 5 songs for many occasions (in no particular order, of course) .Enjoy.

Top 5 Best Songs for Break-Ups (with lyrics so you understand why)
1. Don’t Think Twice- Bob Dylan
“Now I’m not saying you treated me unkind. You could have done better but I’m just fine. You just kinda wasted all my precious time, but don’t think twice, it’s alright.”
2. It’s Cool, We Can Still Be Friends- Bright Eyes
“So I’m pouring some whiskey, I’m gonna get real fuckin’ drunk. Yeah I’m pouring some whiskey, I’m gonna get so so drunk that I pass out, and forget your face by the time I wake up”
3. ..And the Radio Played the Hits- The June Spirit
“Remember the flowers I picked for you from your best friends back yard? You said that you’d never let them die. And like a rose, love has thorns, thorns that pierce my soul. She said she’d never let us die. Just one thing for you to know, this time I’ve let you go.”
4. Song for the Dumped- Ben Folds Five
“You said you wanted to have some space, slow it down some and have some space. Well fuck you too. Give me my money back, I want my money back, you bitch. And don’t forget my black t-shirt.”
5. I’ve Got it Bad, And That Aint Good- Etta James
“He don’t love me like I love him, nobody could. I’ve got it bad..and that aint good.”
Top 5 Best Party Songs (I’ll leave the lyrics out because they have nothing to do with partying, they just rock hardcore!)
1.Shame of Life- The Butthole Surfers
2.Scooby Snacks- Fun Lovin’ Criminals
*Side note: The entire Fun Lovin Criminals Album “Come find yourself” is PERFECT for any party!*
3. Hell- Squirrel Nut Zippers
4. Smoke Two Joints- Sublime
5. Called- Antiskeptic
Top 5 Sweet Makeout Songs
1.Fair- Remy Zero
2.Walking By- Something Corporate
3.For Me This is Heaven- Jimmy Eat World
4.Bring Back the Sun- Our Lady Peace
5.Wild Horses- The Sundays
Top 5 Hot and Sweaty Make Out (Or..other..) Songs
1.My Own Summer- Deftones
2.Your Last Breath- Hatebreed
3.Eulogy- Tool
4.Mouth- Bush
5.(and the obvious) Closer- Nine Inch Nails
Top 5 Road Trip Songs
1.Open Road Song- Eve 6
2.Living On a Prayer- Jon BonJovi
3.Heat of The Moment- Asia
4.Aint Too Proud to Beg- The Temptations
5.Barrel of a Gun- Guster

Ok guys, sorry no big article this week. I’ll be back in action soon enough.

I have spoken to many people about my extensive c.d. collection. All 345 of them hold a special place in my heart, even Kid Rock’s “Devil Without A Cause” which I bought in 9th grade during my rap metal phase. Some of these well worn babies go into more rotation than others. For example, NOFX’s “Punk in Drublic” gets more play time than say, the burned copy of Alien Ant Farm’s “ANThology” which my exboyfriend Josh gave me back in high school. It is in this spirit that I bring you today’s article, a peek at three of the most beloved albums in my collection, the history, the meaning behind them and why they rock so very much.

“Life in General”- MxPx
History: This little gem was purchased in late fall of 1997. Christina Inella (a good friend of mine back then) and I had walked down to Slipped Disc in search of new music to rock out to in her basement. Christina has pointed out the c.d. to me, telling me that she “heard really good things about it.” So I bought it with the money I had scammed out of my mother somehow and we brought it back to her house. The second the guitars kicked in on the first track, I knew I was going to rock out to this for a long, long time. And I was right.
Meaning: The entire c.d. itself represents probably the worst year of my life, 8th grade. However, instead of a bad symbol, it reminds me of the times when I was so happy, jumping around in Christina’s basement despite the horrible things that were going on in my life. The upbeat music and lyrics kept my spirit up when all I wanted to do was disappear and never come back. Life was horrible for me, but this album made everything a little bit brighter. The song with the most meaning for me would have to be “Do your feet hurt?.” It is about having really strong feelings for someone, and trying to let them know. I used to dream that I would meet someone who would sing this to me, and then I met someone who actually did. It is the only song on the c.d. which still makes me feel the way I did when I was a little wanna-be punk rocker at age 14.
“How will I get through tomorrow if I can’t make it through today? How will I get through tomorrow when today is in my way?”

“Whatever and Ever, Amen”-Ben Folds Five
History: My brother gave this to me when I was a freshman in high school. At first, I thought it was going to be lame because I had heard “Brick” on the radio and I wasn’t really into it. I really didn’t give it much of a chance until March break of my freshman year when I needed something to calm me down on the plane ride to Florida (I really hate flying!) The I popped it in, and the whole rock mixed with piano thing really got to me. It became a permanent fixture in my c.d. rotation.
Meaning: The real meaning behind this c.d. does not revolve around the c.d. itself. When I was 15 I met Pete Morgan, a gorgeous kid who was smart, and funny and wonderful. We met at a Blue Meanies Concert when I accidentally spilled soda all over him. Sparks city folks. So our first real date was when he and I went to go see Ben Folds Five at Summer Stage in Central Park. It was a warm June evening. We sat on the grass behind the stage listening to the music and talking. It got chilly and he held me closer to him. As Ben sweetly sang “Evaporated” (which is by far and away the BEST song on that album) Pete turned to me and we shared our very first kiss beneath the clear night sky. It was this first kiss from what would turn out to be my very first love. Sometimes I will put it on and remember the night when I felt like I was invincible.
“I poured my heart out. It evaporated…see?”

“Head On the Door”-The Cure
History: Ok..it’s not Boy’s Don’t Cry. It’s not Disentegration. But dammit, it’s my favorite Cure album. I bought this about 2 years ago when I realized how super sweet The Cure is. I bought it at the record store right next to DoJo’s on St. Mark’s Place in Greenwich Village. I remember thinking, “I really need a Cure album or else my life will not ever be complete.” Boy was I right.
Meaning: Over the summer I took a lot of indulgence in only working twice a week. During my days off I would sit in my hammock in my backyard with a beer, my cigarettes, and the Cure rocking on my stereo. This album is the best to just chill out to. When I had a huge party over the summer it was what was playing for a bit and it really brought everyone together. When I listen to it as the leaves fall and the sky gets dark by 5, I can still feel the summer sun and the slow motion rocking of the hammock as all my cares melted away. The best song on the album? It’s a toss up between “In Between Days” and “Close to Me.” And for the record? Robert Smith rules.
“Yesterday I got so scared I shivered like a child. Yesterday away from you it froze me deep inside. Come back, come back, don’t walk away.”

I’ll do more when I feel like it. Until next time, turn off your friggin radio. .

South Park is, hands down, one of my favorite shows on television (second only to Conan O’brien.) It’s funny, clever, and down right enchanting! Trey Parker and Matt Stone are two of the smartest, funniest guys in the entertainment industry today. They take current events and use them in their shows to help convey their opinions on the world (see Red Hot Catholic Love or Ladder To Heaven.) However there was genius long before South Park ever came to be. This is a genius known as “Cannibal: The Musical.”
This piece of cinematic orgasm is based on the true story of Alfred Packer, a miner who led a group of 6 men across the Colorado Territory in hopes of reaching a place with more prospects for wealth. The miners fell on hard times and resorted to cannibalism in hopes of survival.
Cannibal!: The Musical takes this story and adds to it until its filled to the brim with side splitting laughter and hilarious musical numbers. Packer (played masterfully by Trey Parker who was billed under the name Juan Shwartz) is a young, doe eyed dreamer who has a song in his heart and a horse named Liane. The opening number is an upbeat ditty called Shpedoinkle Day. *Side note* At the end of every South Park episode the little song is the opening few notes of the song.
Parker is coerced into leading a rag tag group of miners on an expedition to Colorado Territory. As the trek goes on it becomes very clear that not only does Packer not know the way, but they are going to have some serious turmoil within the group. The icing on the cake of trouble (ooh! Metaphor) is when the ill fated miners meet up with a group of rough and tumble trappers, lead by the short but tough Frenchy Cabazon ( played by Robert Muratore.) After Liane disappears one morning along with all the supplies in her pack, the trouble grows even stronger. Lead by his desire to have back his beloved horse, Packer leads the miners deeper into the snowy Colorado Territory. Is Packer leading the miners to the promised land? Is he just following the trail that leads him back to his horse? Are they going to survive the snowy mountains? And what exactly does shpedoinkle mean? Find out!
The most amazing thing about this movie, asides from the wonderful and catchy musical movies, is the fact that this was done on spring break by Parker and his friends. Produced by Troma Pictures, you really can’t go wrong with this cinematic darling. I highly recommend you also watch it with the commentary. It is Trey and Matt and their friends getting drunk throughout the entire movie, and knocking things over. Run, don’t walk. Get this movie!

For those of you who don’t know me (i.e. most of you) I am a complete and utter (and perhaps simply self proclaimed) music elitist. I scoff upon hearing “I listen to the radio.” There are some bands in my collection that nobody, save me and a lucky few, have ever even heard of.
Musically speaking…
Pretentious? You bet!
Elitist? Abso-fuckin’-loutely
Snob? You better believe it Buck-o!
Usually, when turning on the radio I cringe at the musical diarrhea that comes cascading out of the speakers. I mean for god sakes how the hell did a harpy like Avril Levigne get a record deal? Why is it that every song on “alternative radio” sounds like everyone is doing a really bad Eddie Vedder impression?
However, way deep in my persona, there lies a deep dark secret.
I…
I kind of like some of this shit.
Yes, dear readers. Every so often there comes along a few songs which make me sing along. These songs I will think about, and hum to myself. These are the songs I will download off Kazaa and then hide in a secret folder so I can listen to them while nobody else is around, so my ruse will not be found out.
Why go through all this trouble?
I have a reputation to keep up!
So now, in an unprecedented move on my part, I will share with my adoring public (I’m kidding) my picks for the best songs on alternative radio these days, and if you haven’t given them a listen, I highly recommend you check out.
3 Doors Down- “Here without you”
Yes, they wrote that stupid Superman song. But the combination of the beautiful melodies, complimented with the poignant lyrics makes this song one that I enjoy when it’s raining outside and I haven’t changed out of my p.j.’s. Maybe it’s the emo bitch inside of me which finds this song as delightful as I do, but I don’t care. Once the chorus hits, it sends a chill up my spine which makes me want to run towards a tall skinny tattooed man in a bus station and share a sweet kiss. (I am delusional, I understand that, and I move on..)
Fuel- “Falls on me”
I was a fan of Fuel back in the 7th grade when “Shimmer” came out. I had not heard anything new from them in quite a long time, until there I was sweeping the floors at work when this song came on the radio. I have no idea what it is I like about this song. I guess I like the guy’s voice. Maybe it’s the hook the chorus has. Maybe its just nostalgia for days gone by, but whenever I hear this song, I am glad it got put into the rotation.
Audioslave
Any song by Audioslave is good. I downloaded the entire album onto my computer, and I must say I’m not exactly that embarrassed to listen to them in company. Why do I like Audioslave? Well let me break it down for you. Soundgarden= Good. Rage Against The Machine= Good. Soundgarden+ Rage Against The Machine= Awesome!
That’s it. I’m a tad embarrassed, but hey, I had to get it out somehow.
Until next week
X’s and O’s my kiddies!