Is nothing sacred?

First Joan Jett, now this?

According to Dlisted, Britney Spears is looking to cover Blondie’s “Atomic” on her next studio album. Surely I’m not the only one who sees what this is: A desperate grasp to regain relevancy and her stardom after trashing her image so terribly for the last few years. Britney, luv… it’s over. Call it a night and go out quietly. Please? Stay far away from my new wave / punk legends.. thank you.

Even if she could regain popularity it would be shortlived and not very profitable. Digital music sales have made her a dinosaur, she’d have to make around 13 awesome hot selling tracks just to recoup what they will spend on the production / marketing for her these days. In the digital download world the one track wonders are worthless.

This is something I discussed back in 2004 in my interview with Pat Thetic of Anti-Flag and he called it back then:

“And I understand that, but that means you have to write good music. You know Britney Spears, God bless her, she’ll be done. Because people will be like ‘alright downloaded the one song and I don’t care about the other 9 tracks of filler. You know, that’s our responsibility as musicians. If we can’ create songs that people want to hear, then fuck us, we’re not worth being around anyway.”

Just ask Justin Timberlake, “FutureSex/LoveSounds” has topped charts and been nominated for all sorts of awards but hasn’t made a dent in the sales numbers of 2002’s “Justified.” Or Christina Aguilera who’s last album barely made a whimper in the market compared to what she used to do. The market has changed and there isn’t room for people like Britney anymore, even if she could adapt and get her shit back together it would be too late.

I know we’ve ended at least one article on this site before with this quote but it keeps getting more and more relevant as time goes on:

“Dinosaurs will die and I do believe no one will cry. I’m just glad I’m gonna be, there to watch it fall.” – NoFX

Times have changed, and it’s going to take more than an overproduced cover single of an 80’s pop tune to bring the old days back, and frankly… a lot of us are glad to see them gone.

This Week in Things That Pissed Me Off! -11/24/06

Ok so I’ve missed a few weeks worth of articles, so what? If you have got an issue with that then you can direct your comments and opinions to my mailing address: 123 I Don’t Give a Rat’s ass Lane, P.O. Box Up Yours.

Ok so first up this week is something that has been bothering me for a while now. A while back one of my friends decided to have her birthday party at this place called The Slipper Room, it’s a bar in NYC that still holds cabaret shows. Now first of all, cabaret is dead, it has been dead, and I am pretty sure that back in the 1850’s it was dying an early death. I don’t see what the appeal of scantily clad women who appeared to be their 40’s who like to dance in tassels to techno music is, and I am most certainly sure that I will never be able to solve that mystery, however people did seem to enjoy the show, and it was my friends birthday, so whatever. I decided to amuse the idea and “expand my horizons of culture” I just hope those $6 beers will be worth it.

Now I am sure you are asking the question “But why go to the cabaret if you knew it’d blow, do you enjoy subjecting yourself to such torment?” And the answer to that question is simple, I do these things so that I can actually have a valid statement for saying something sucked and bitch about it, other then staying home and imagining the suck fest, because let’s be honest folks, things will suck so much worse then you could ever possibly imagine. Which brings me to topic #2.

People aren’t entitled to jack fucking shit. Tipping is not mandatory, its customary, sure it brings in a large amount of income for someone who is in the serving profession, but if you’re a waiter you are not guaranteed a fucking tip. If you take 20 minutes to bring me a menu, spill food on me, burn my dinner, get my drink order wrong, are rude, and are just plain dumb, you will not get a good tip from me, if any tip at all. Why? Because you are failing your job, and people who fail at their jobs don’t deserve to be paid for them.

Now recently I had met a certain female bartender who refused to serve me and another person I know because “We didn’t tip her.” Now I am not referring to not tipping her the entire night, I am referring to not tipping her on the first beer. I don’t tip the bartender on every drink that I buy, I also rarely tip on the first beer I purchase. Why? I just got in to the place, I want a quick drink, shove the cash in my pocket and see what people are up to, settle in, then on every other beer I will tip, and before I leave I will tip one last time, I know plenty of people like this and it works for me well, and bartenders seem to have no complaints, in fact they are constantly giving me free drinks. Furthermore, it isn’t even like the bartender had some excellent service, she slammed the original drink I ordered down on the bar top and half the beer poured out due to the impact so she could go back to daydreaming. Now she should just go do her job, honestly though, any chimpanzee could do her job, open up the cooler in front of you, stick your hand in it, and give me a beer you dumb bitch! But to demand a tip or else she wasn’t going to serve me? I can’t believe how backwards this slut had the concept, she was basically trying to change the rules and serve me based upon how well I was as a customer, and not serve me as if she was trying to earn her tip. Was she on the rag? Did she have a one night stand and get kicked out of the guys place naked the night before? I don’t know and honestly I don’t care, don’t bring your shit to work if you want people to pay you well.

She obviously didn’t even want to be there, and if only I had one more beer in me I could have made that possible for her by letting her boss know how much money she was costing him, because think about it, if she was to act like that to everyone who didn’t tip? The bar would lose a ton of cash. Oh, and if you’d like to know where this bar was, well, amazingly enough it was also at The Slipper Room. See how that works? If I didn’t go out to the cabaret I’d have never met the ho who wanted to be paid for not working.

To wrap up that wonderful evening, I wound up leaving most of my friends early to go home, way I figured, I was having a miserable time why stick around when I could be sleeping. I was able to grab the 1:46am train out of the city. Now for those of you who aren’t aware, the 1:46am train is one of the most crowded trains that run. This is because all of the drunks coming home from the city are on it. The train is loud, crowded, and smells. Random people can, and will begin talking to you, if you are a 21 year old girl a 50 year old guy may grab you, it happens. I’ve had random men begin talking to me about local native American tribes that once populated Long Island, I’ve also had girls ask me to stand between them and drunk perverts. Hey whatever. The Long Island Railroad STILL charges about $8 for this train ride regardless of time and it’s occupants, and the conductor will still come through and charge an extra $5 if you didn’t buy your ticket in advance, but in all honestly I am actually fairly glad I had caught the 1:46am train. The next one to arrive would have been the 2:55am train. The reason that train is worse then the 1:46am is solely based on the fact that the 2:55am train contains the angry sobering drunks who missed the 1:46am train.

Now if you don’t mind me I only have 30 days left until Christmas and according to the consumer market I don’t have enough time to do my shopping, apparently I should have started back during Columbus Day.

Profiles in Bastardry: Election Edition

There are many virtues that the powerful and mighty encompass. Some have charisma. Some have bravery. Some have compassion. But very so often, you find people who encompass the greatest of all possible attributes: Bastardry.

Welcome to my first ever article on this oft-overlooked virtue. Now, enjoy, “Profiles in Bastardry.”

Profiles in Bastardry: Missouri
Michael J. Fox vs. Rush Limbaugh, or, “How dare you play with people’s emotions. Now here’s Jesus.”

Claire McCaskill and Jim Talent are in a dead heat in the senate race in Missouri. Claire has slowly been clawing her way up, making this race the quintessential “photo finish” of all races. Jim Talent is an American hero, a tweedy looking little nerd who beat a widow in a special election. So this election should be a cakewalk for him, given Missouri’s past.

But things change. One of the four pegs that hold the whole right-wing circus inside it’s blood-red tent is the righteous indignation it has toward procreation rights and stem cell research. Because every human life is precious (unless it is impoverished, then fuck it). Never mind that Jenna Bush has probably eight times as many abortions than Chelsea Clinton. It’s bad. And so is making it productive.

Being a pro-lifer, I don’t care for abortion. I quite honestly think it’s a rather barbaric and murderous act. But I also am not a fifteen year old pregnant girl, so what the fuck do I know? So I figure, if it’s going to happen, the unborn might as well work to the benefit of human kind (and wouldn’t Jesus take them in, anyway? No sin, right?) . So I am a pro-life guy who supports stem-cell research. I also support financial aid to impoverished children. And an education system that keeps children from ending up with no other options than to go kill brown people. So I go for the closest thing this country has to a pro-life party, and cast my votes there, with the Democrats.

Anyway, there’s a very real human side to stem cell research. Michael J. Fox, who has made ads for Republican Arlen Specter (more on this later) and other candidates who support stem sell research, decided to help Claire McCaskill with an ad that featured the very real effects of the medication that is used to combat the disease.

Damn him!

Luckily, impotent, corpulent, deaf drug addict Rush Limbaugh was there to teach this terminally ill man, who was obviously a secular gun-hating fag from Hollywood, who was boss.

Oh Rush’s radio show, he made this statement regarding Fox:  “He is moving all around, and shaking, and it’s purely an act.” (Accompanied by, among other things, a video of Rush Limbaugh shaking and moving all around. And jiggling, because he’s a tubby porker).
Now, Rush Limbaugh is no Bill Frist. He has no history of being able to diagnose somebody from miles away. Rush’s position went from “purely an act” to him “not taking his medication” to him “overmedicating himself” (as Limbaugh is known to do from time to time).

Michael Fox responded with class. He simply said that it’s not easy for somebody who doesn’t have the disease to really assess it. Which is much nicer than saying, “screw you, you fat, pill-popping loser.” Limbaugh offered several non-apologies. So how would Republicans bounce back from their former war horse attacking a terminally ill man for showing symptoms of the disease stem cell research could combat?

By pimping Jesus, duh.

In a campaign commercial in Missouri, the bad actor who badly played Jesus in a bad movie joins some guys who play children’s games for a living and the cunt from Everybody Loves Raymond to decry stem cell research (making points like, ‘it will take fifteen years for results,’ so as John Stewart put it, why start?). The breadth in which the makers of the ad miss the message of Fox’s ad is amazing. Fox was not used because he is a celebrity. He was used because he is who stem cell research might help.

Okay, so throwing Jim Caviezel and other douchebags in there to combat him shows that they don’t understand that basic principle. Then the committee behind the ad do something they often complain that Democrats do: us an unassailable figure to push their agenda. In this case, the same one they’ve been using for years: Jesus fucking Christ.

Jim Caviezel spouts out some Aramaic from Mel Gibson’s snuff film, to remind you that he played Jesus, and that Jesus would approve of what he’s saying. Something that shameless actually makes me want to watch the movie, so I can see this man beaten to a pulp. Caviezel knows who paid to see him die so many times, he knows where his bread is buttered. As he sings for his supper, hoping that he’s not relegated to golf movies after the success of said snuff film, he calls for Christians to ensure the slow, agonizing death of people like Michael J. Fox, not just for the next fifteen years, but forever.

Also, is it just me, or should a bunch of fruits who stick steroid needles in their asses to help them play a game not be taken seriously when they start to talk about the merits of medical research?

Profiles in Bastardry: Tennessee
Corker vs. Ford, or, “It’s me or the n*****r, Tennessee!”

You know, the south doesn’t have a lot to be proud about. Anyone who’s grown up in the south knows there’s not a lot to do here. You can either stand around and sweat, or possibly go visit an elderly woman relative who has more ceramic Jesus figurines than teeth. Needless to say, the south is an unpleasant place, made worse by its unpleasant tendencies (most Civil War reenactors come from the South).

One unfortunate tendency, which has predominated the South since it’s inception and continues, ever so quietly, today, is its deep animosity toward African Americans. Which, to me, makes about as much sense as a man in tight shoes being angry at his shoehorn. Sure, the shoehorn may be somewhat responsible for the man’s dire straights. But he must remember that he picked up the shoehorn (black people) from it’s drawer (read, Africa) to help force his foot (the south) into his undersized shoe (read: an agrarian economy driven by free, torture-induced labor). Now he has to deal with the long-term consequences of his choice. Damn that shoehorn for being used!

Which brings me to Harold Ford, who is running for senate. He’s single, handsome, young, and black, with a cool-sounding name. In short, he’s everything the man he’s replacing, Bill Frist, is not. He’s running in Tennessee. Ever heard of Tennessee?

Tennessee is famous for many things, and not just how horrible it is there. No, there are places like Nashville, where circus-bear killing country acts like Montgomery Gentry are born. There are also places like the Grand Old Opry (note the gross misspelling of the last word; a sad reminder of the health of public education in the Volunteer state). It is also famous for (note to editor: insert something interesting about Tennessee here, I have’t been able to find anything else).

But with all it has going for it, Tennessee could break the mold in another way, a way that requires no steel guitars or washboards. It could be the first state in the south to elect a black senator. Imagine the progressive symbolism of thousands of Tennessee farmers, taking a break from molesting their daughters to go vote in the first black man ever, in the south, to become a senator since the situation became possible roughly 130 years ago.

He’s running against Bob Corker, who would be roughly the 1,453 honky bastard from the south to hold a senate seat (though, to be fair, that number includes those from before as well as after 1865).

So how would a run-of-the-mill schmo like Corker stand up to Ford? Would it be by showing signs of some great initiative that would finally bring Tennessee into the seventeenth century? Would it be by making a promise to improve the lives of the downtrodden and wanting? Would it be by setting a plan in motion to strengthen the state, and make it a glorious paradise on earth? Would any of these options be what Republicans in Tennessee would use to rile up the masses?

Almost. But instead they called Ford a n****r.

Not literally, of course. You can’t call somebody a n****r in politics anymore (calling them a macaca is fine until Virginia says different). But there are other ways.

Ford does have a few little quirks that sexless conservatives might feel like harping upon. He’s been to a “Playboy Party” (or, as read by the swaths of Amy Grant fans that make up Bill Frist’s old supporters, something that sounded suspiciously like a sexually gratifying orgy). Perhaps going to a party of this sort isn’t entirely seemly, but any single man would relish the chance to rub elbows in the company of beautiful women (save for Mark Foley, who would prefer masturbating boys).

Okay, fair enough. So Ford is human and wants to have sex with beautiful women. Big deal. I can see them doing an ad about that. So what you get is this: after B-list actors rattle off charges about Tennessee values (while saying nothing about fucking your cousin) and how Ford has abandoned them. Then this:

A ditzy, semi-nude white woman winking at the camera and asking Ford to call her.

Never mind that it was sleazy, and the production quality was solidly bush-league. The subtext was pretty obvious: a vote for Harold Ford was a vote for miscegnenation. Ford, a blacky Mcblackerson, was threatening to go canoodling with the white virgin flower of Tennessee, as he had at the “Playboy party.”

Of course, the boob Republican had no idea the ad was going to come out, and when the negative backlash started, “pleaded” for the ad to be pulled. It kind of wasn’t. But luckily, another ad was ready; this one showed images of Ford backed up by the beating of tribal drums.

So not only might Ford deflower the virtuous white women of Tennessee, he might also eat them or sacrifice them to his voodoo gods. Please. Well, it’s lucky for us that people in Tennessee are too smart to be swayed by such tactics.

Corker’s lead over Ford is growing.

Fuck Tennessee.

Profiles in Bastardry: Virginia
“Welcome to America!”

Okay. Not a lot to say here.

George Allen is running for reelection, with eyes on the presidency. All while brazenly using a racial slur on a man who was born in Virginia (unlike Allen himself, who was born in California). He’s also praised the Confederacy, and has been noted for dropping racial slurs around his friends. He’s also trailing in the most recent Virginia polls.

Maybe he should run in Tennessee.

Profiles in Bastardry: Florida
The proverbial fox in the henhouse, who asked eggs how they jerked off and then bought them dinner.

Mark Foley. Is there anything really left to say? You could almost feel sorry for the guy. Then you remember that he was quite vocal in his defense of children against online predators, like chairing a committee on it in a very visible way, and you realize he was as full of shit as the rest of them.
So you just prop your feet up and watch him burn, and fully enjoy yourself.

Bonus Observation: “Jesus wants you to vote for me, now check out my tits.”

Katherine Harris. A living punch line to the least funny joke of all time. The woman who may be indirectly responsible for the deaths of at least 6,000 Americans. She wants to be a senator from Florida. And she says she’s going to win. Never mind she’s down in the polls by somewhere around the area of twenty points. She knows how to steal an election. God, does she ever know.

Katherine knows other things, too. Like standing sideways during an interview to show off her boobs.

But beyond that, she also believes that separation of church and state is a fallacy. Great, Katie. Go to the churches and tell them to make out a check for two hundred and thirty years of back taxes.

Now, I know what yo’re saying. What about the boobs again? Well, I say get a life.
Just kidding. Here’s more of Katherine McJesus being classy.

Alright, well, it’s five days until the election. Have fun.


This Week in Things That Pissed Me Off! 10/27/06

So it’s fairly late at night and I am surfing the web when I get an email. Enclosed within is a message informing me that someone wishes to be my new friend at Myspace. Oh boy! Who is this mysterious person who I have never met who wishes to brighten my entire dark void that I call a life with pointless comments and as much of their unfunny banter as possible? I’ll tell you who this person is, its that crappy emo band that covers Whitesnake with trumpets, or that 13-year-old girl who dresses more slutty then a prostitute in the Dallas Cowboys locker room, or perhaps it is neither and maybe its just Tila Tequila.

Regardless of who the invite is coming from, its always the same motive, they only want to be listed at the top of the Internet popularity food chain. Well guess what? It’ the Internet, no one really cares about you, and sadly, the only reason people will accept these invites is to boost their own level of self-security and raise their level of Internet popularity by a few numbers. Plain and simple, I don’t care about your crappy band and the crappy music you put out, I don’t care about how sexed up you wish to be at the age of 13, and I most certainly don’t want to be your friend. Oh and to all of you 21 year old girls who dress slutty and want to be my friend, you need to stop too. I get enough scantily clad girls from the True adds that liter the screen every time I need to log on because a friend harasses me to comment on a new picture of theirs, if I want to see T & A I’ll download some porn. Please, this is the INTERNET for Christ sakes, lack of cloths isn’t as good as no clothes, and no clothes is even more accessible then a little bit of cloths, so please just stop.

Further more, to people who aren’t in the boat of winning the popularity contest, please stop showing off your crappy artwork and awful mini self-projects. Myspace is NOT a place to be artistic either, go and create your own web page to show this stuff off, I swear these people also most likely add a link to their Myspace account on job resumes nowadays to show off their work and what they are capable of. Finally, on a personal side note, stop sending out those retarded chain letter posts, no one is going to come back from the dead to kill you if you don’t continue to post them and true love won’t find you not because you didn’t send out a new bulletin, true love won’t find you because you never step away from you lousy computer screen.

Moving on, I was at the bar last weekend, and it was a fairly good time and everyone was having fun, and then what had begun to occur was possibly one of the biggest crimes against humanity that I have ever witnessed. A girl weighing in at 250+ got up on the bar top and started to dance. I swear to god, you’re not hot, you don’t have a good body, and no one wants to see your ass crack. If you are a fat girl, don’t show off your goods, no one wants to see that, and you know who I am talking to. Girls who weight under 115 pounds go crazy trying to lose weight to fit into a bikini, so why do girls weighing 215 have no trouble putting one on? Are they that delusional? Do their friends tell them that they are sexy and cute? If you are a fat girl, do not wear skimpy cloths, do not dance topless at bars, its that simple, you will make people throw up. I don’t see how this is such a huge issue today in America, but it happens all the time, its not something that’s an isolated incident, fat women think they are hot and dress as if they were 10 sizes smaller, please, this goes out to all those fat girls friends, tell them they are fat, tell them not to wear certain outfits, do not let them dance on bars when their pants will fall down, just say no to them, don’t worry about hurting their feelings because when someone calls them a beached whale, it’ll just be that much worse on them and you could have prevented it, I mean sure, fat chicks need love to but, that is why Thomas Edison invented the damn light switch.

To wrap this week up I will just be posting a very one sided online conversation this week between me and John.

Big Danny D: the batman
Big Danny D: the crappy cartoon on channel 11
Big Danny D: on Saturday mornings
Big Danny D: they are up to Clayface 2 already
Big Danny D: I turned it on
Big Danny D: and they were actually calling him Clayface II
Big Danny D: and I was mad
Big Danny D: so very very mad
Big Danny D: because that shits pointless
Big Danny D: especially on a kids cartoon
Big Danny D: its just not needed
Big Danny D: like they REALLY messed up Clayface
Big Danny D: the show originally focused around batman and these 2 cops
Big Danny D: who were trying to get him and arrest him
Big Danny D: one of the cops, a guy, was Bruce Wayne’s college roommate
Big Danny D: and they were prominent characters
Big Danny D: and the cop who was Bruce’s friend…
Big Danny D: he became Clayface
Big Danny D: Clayface I
Big Danny D: which, ok, I’ll admit, it was cool
Big Danny D: he had a real back story
Big Danny D: u knew who he was
Big Danny D: and u felt bad for him
Big Danny D: cause he legitimately was a good guy
Big Danny D: who became a bad guy thru the torture of people on the street not accepting him
Big Danny D: he went insane
Big Danny D: now
Big Danny D: Clayface II
Big Danny D: was just some smuck
Big Danny D: who we didn’t know
Big Danny D: and they gave him a background story in 10 seconds
Big Danny D: and u got an evil clayface with no remorse, and a good Clayface
Big Danny D: I understand, the 2 Clayfaces of theater
Big Danny D: comedy/tragedy
Big Danny D: its dumb
Big Danny D: why?
Big Danny D: because its a kids cartoon
Big Danny D: and 12 year olds can’t understand this
Big Danny D: i hate when they switch shit up in comics
Big Danny D: but 10-15 years can warrant a change
Big Danny D: 2 seasons on a damn kids cartoon?
Big Danny D: its like the god damn power rangers, i hate that shit
Big Danny D: and even they were full time real actors who had to be paid and eventually want to move on in their careers
Big Danny D: this is a villain on a cartoon, taken from a pool of what? 60+ other batman villains
Big Danny D: who appears in the show once, MAYBE twice a season?
Big Danny D: were the writers that much out of ideas?
Big Danny D: they couldn’t come up with a new puzzle for the Riddler?
Big Danny D: or something with 2 sides for two face to steal?
Big Danny D: or an insane rampage with the joker thru the streets of Gotham?
Big Danny D: or did they just run out of giant birds for the penguin to steal from a zoo
John: haha
Big Danny D: the original batman animated series made it thru like 4 seasons with no problems, then went into justice league for Christ sakes
Big Danny D: they even gave robin teen titans
Big Danny D: so pissed off

Now go link this article to at least 15 people or you’ll be forced to sit through 1 episode of Perfect Strangers for each person under 15 that you don’t send this too.

This Week in Things That Pissed Me Off! – 10/20/06

So there I am, watching Comedy Central when on comes a show that makes me literally want to rip my eyes out, Scrubs. Oh boy! As if we weren’t lucky enough to see the same 5 episodes of Mad T.V. re-aired over and over again that now I need to be force-fed this poor excuse for a sitcom with jokes that are so painfully unfunny that unless you were tripping out on acid you should have no reason to laugh at.

That brings me to my next question; why do people like Zach Braff? His whiny comedic antics are on par with that of a roller coaster flying off its tracks and killing hundreds in its wake, the man’s just not funny. Don’t get me wrong here either, I could understand if he was good looking, but the reality of the matter is that he just looks dirty and lazy. Are people really THAT bored that they’d pay to watch him on television and in films or are they just stupid?

Which leads me to The Marine…. Who on God’s green Earth even thought to say “John Cena isn’t exactly the most gifted wrestler in the WWE, so let’s give the man a movie deal.”

Now before I continue I just want to say that I’m about to give away a spoiler to this abysmal piece of art that will forever truly haunt the great archived classics of Hollywood. I’m going to be straight forward here, if you are really going to be upset by a spoiler of The Marine that means you actually want to see this movie, but have been too lazy to go, because this is simply a film that you go see opening week or you don’t go. That fact alone justifies me for spoiling this film for you, because you suck.

Back to the topic, in the film ‘The Marine’ John Cena portrayed an ex marine who was discharged from the military. Now even if you missed the high paced, action packed thrilling first 5 seconds of the film that created such an intriguing background story for the film that literally kept all 15 movie goers on the edge of their seats (probably ready to vomit and leave the theater), or were just a complete idiot and didn’t realize what movie it was that you paid to see, well don’t worry, there’s good news! John only mentions that he was a Marine all about five thousand times in the film. Seriously though, the man had 3 lines throughout the entire film that he had to constantly recite. It was like one of those old dolls with a pull string on the back, pull it for “I am a MARINE!”, “My wife was kidnapped!”, and “Oof!” Ok I guess we can’t really count the last line as an actual word. Of course however, to be fair to John, if his acting goal and directive was to try remain stiff and emotionless well then the man deserves an Oscar, because that was the best portrayal of a wood board I’ve ever witnessed. Oh and as for the ending? Well the entire film was your typical action film, wife gets kidnapped, bad guy double crosses another bad guy, the double crossed bad guy winds up being the cop whose been helping you out, etc. So you can easily take a wild guess as to how it ends.

Jon-Mikl Thor… Enough Said, look it up, moving on.

Sony, listen up. I don’t want a PS3, especially not for the $600 price tag. Oh wow, Blu-Ray DVD, whoop dee doo. Many people still have televisions that can’t differentiate the quality between VHS and DVD, why do we need an improved quality format? Was DVD really all that terrible? And are you really saving money buying a PS3 over a Blu-Ray player ANYWAY? Realistically? No your not, because chances are unless you were on line at a store at 7am last Monday waiting to buy a preorder, your going to be spending $2000+ on ebay for one. Honestly, this is beyond necessity and wanting, this is just stupid. Soon enough there will be a level of quality so precise that the human eye won’t be able to detect it and yet people will still believe that it’s a must. Further more, most of these games will be available on cheaper systems, sure their will always be the exclusive titles, but remember folks, graphics do not make the game, no matter how much you lie to yourself, it is the game play that keeps you coming back, the background story and characters that you learn to love and wait with anticipation of it’s sequels, not the flashy graphics and pretty pictures.

Back to the preorders. It is estimated that 75% of the preorders made are going straight to ebay, in fact many already made their way there. Some were removed, others not. Some for as high as the $2000 I mentioned earlier. Impressive? No, not really, quite sad actually that people feel the need to spend that amount of money of a product that will most likely collect dust. Even if you get a ps3 who are you going to play with? Chances are many of your friends won’t have it so friendly online play can be ruled out, have fun with the 12 year olds kicking your ass in one on one. Then of course if you pay the ebay price for it, how will you even afford games? How do people HAVE this kind of money to just toss away? People claim we’re in a depression and jobs are hard to find yet people are paying 2g for video games? Give me a break.

Finally, to round out the things that pissed me off the last two weeks, this past weeks Monday Night Raw had both Kevin Federline on, as well as Jackass and Wildboyz (It hurts me to even type that) stars Steve-O and Chris Pontius. Although K-Fed was booed without mercy, he did bring up a good point, that people are still buying his records and buying the magazines to read up on his life. STOP SUPPORTING HIM! I don’t care why people buy anything with his name on it or in it, even if it’s to make fun of him, stop, just stop it. That’s all I’m going to mention about him because if I say his name one more time, he will probably get a new record deal or something, simply cause he’s being mentioned on the internet.

As for Steve-O and Chris Pontius being on Raw, well, they wanted to get their asses kicked in a fight, which is fine, they’re stunt men who can’t make it big other then filming themselves getting injured in very comical situations. Its funny sure, and someone’s got to make this kind of comedy, but when one of them begins to actually have a successful career like Johnny Knoxville then its time to pull the plug. I wished I didn’t have to point this out, but if your claim to fame is having others throw bowling balls at your crotch then you DO NOT DESERVE to be put on the cover of GQ. Steve-O, Chris, remember these words I’m about to impart to you, keep on amusing us with your crazy stunts that no one else who is sane would ever do, but remember, we will never see you winning an academy award, so don’t try, because you won’t, if you were serious and even semi-decent actors, then you wouldn’t have to set your pubic hairs on fire for people to like you.

This is Big Danny D, and those were a few things that pissed me off this week.

New Forums are up!

Yeah my lazy ass did something.

We’re now running phpBB 3 beta. The old forums will remain on our old server for the time being but are now closed. The board is not skinned and like I said it’s beta software so please try to be forgiving, I will be upgrading them along the way as more work is done by the phpbb team.

Thanks, see ya on the boards!


What's happening with MediaRebellion?

Good question.

The truth is… we’re not sure.

If you’ve never been here before… welcome, sorry there’s not much going on. If you are / were a regular… thanks for your patience.

About 9 months ago the site officially went on hiatus. During this time our articles began to corrode with comment spam and our hosting seemingly went up and down on a whim: locking the regulars who visited this site out from enjoying the forums or much of the existing content.

About a month ago I got fed up with it and switched hosts. I moved the content over from one server to the other and migrated our content management system from MovableType to WordPress. In the process I de-spammed our whole archive while maintaining our user comments. Hopefully this will be the last time MR will switch CMS systems and the last time we will break our link structure.

Shortly after that… our aging forums were hacked and taken down by a hacking group. I plan to move the forums once again to a new system. I’m evaluating a few, as I hope this to be the last switch we make, and I hope to switch to an open source alternative, as I did with WordPress. While it might shortchange us temporarily on features, it will future proof us from lock ins and costly upgrades.

It’s never been a secret to anyone visiting or participating in this site but I’ve been running this site out of my pocket at a loss for years. I have never once regretted it, but the fact of the matter is, once I got involved seriously in the working world, it sank low on my piorities. It’s also never been a secret that I’ve wanted to find a way for the site to be self sustainable, both financially and functionally. Switching to WordPress and a new forum environment will allow us to look into these possibilities, due to their Free Open Source natures, which allow us to customize and if need be… commercialize.

I still want to keep the heart and soul of this site the same, since it’s inception there has always been an anti-corporate vibe from this site and it’s members. It is my hope that we can change / grow without losing that.

I am prepared to make a promise to prove this:
Regardless of what happens, so long as I am running things. MediaRebellion will always release it’s content for free, and under some sort of Creative Commons license. We will never force a membership fee on anyone.

So I’m beating around the bush still. What is actually happening?

I don’t know.

For one, we’ve volunteered message board hosting to New Wave / Punk band The Epoxies, please feel free to check them out on their official site or pop into the message board. This should have no affect on the rest of the site however. Participation is highly encouraged though. The Epoxies rock and I wouldn’t have volunteered such a thing if they weren’t genuiniely cool people. They are, in my opinion one of the most interesting musical acts around these days and I highly recommend checking out their latest release: Stop The Future on Fat Wreck Chords. I’m saying that because I believe in it and them, and I promise you I’m not getting a thing out of it.

But for the main site: We / I have had a few ideas, ranging from a web comic to a clone to a podcast hosting site. There are a lot of ideas being kicked around right now and the fact is I’m not sure. The answer could be a mix / variety of those ideas. One thing is for sure… we’re dropping the BaloolaPalooza name for good and moving entirely to MediaRebellion. I’ve registered us a MySpace account which ultimately we will use to promote ourselves, right now it’s barren but feel free to add it to your friends list, it will be very active in the near future.

This is the real reason I’m posting this… I’d like to open a discussion. What do you think MR should become? What should we do? What shouldn’t we? What should be kept from the previous incarnations? What should bite the dust?

What I’d also like to know is, what are some sites you visit on a daily basis, or that inspire you. These days I spend a lot of time on Digg and Flickr and these sites inspire the heck out of me to do something interesting with MR and to finally live up to the potential it’s had.

Please drop us a reply here in the comments or on the forums. Thanks!

Happy Holidays

On behalf of myself, J and the rest of your local Staff, we want to wish you a wonderful and safe holiday season.

I Just Realized Something: A Festive Holiday Conspiracy Theory

Halloween is upon us and I plan to celebrate it as I do every holiday, by drinking copious amounts of liquor and dressing up like a jackass. Before that I will Probably be tossing little fun sized packages of refined carbohydrate goodness at the ritalin popping soccer-mom spawn that come begging trick or treating. Why the hell do they have to come at like 4pm, and wake me up. Trick or treating is supposed to be under the cover of nightfall ladies, what with the vandalism that goes with it. You over-protective freaks, keep this up and your will be living in your house well after you die (oh and your body, its staying there) screwing a realdoll.

But I digress. Just now I realized something about candy and the holiday and commercializing it. I’m sure everyone has heard one of those FUD style TV news stories about ‘safely trick or treating’ or gotten a lecture about ‘having your parents check your candy before eating it’. These things make us good and paranoid about Satanist or evil hippies or child hating psychos trying to poison or razor-blade up our children. If you do a little research this type of scenario happens about neverish. If it happens at all, one of the parents did (twenty bucks says Jesus told them to do it).

So why all the misplaced paranoia about the candy you ask? Besides making for a good news story, its making people money. Think about it: can you pull a Martha Stewart and hand out fresh homemade treats you made from scratch to the little hellions? Nope, your only option is to hand out individually wrapped, hermetically sealed, corporation produced candy.

They couldn’t pull this shit with any other holiday. They couldn’t tell you at eleven how using a non-treeco brand Christmas tree could kill you and your whole family while you sleep or using the wrong green dye in your beer could make your future children retarded.

Wow this should go on the main page, what with nothing else better to put up there and all. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go get ready to be the 20-yesr-old asshole who trick or treats without a costume…cuz it’s free candy.

Open Mic: Blowing Out The Candles

I don’t care what anybody says, but Autumn is the best season of the year. The atmosphere totally rocks. The leaves change colors, the wind starts gusting just a little bit more, it gets a bit colder and darkness fills up the sky much quicker. Fall gives me a valid excuse to rock my Jncos, my long sleeve tees, my killer hoodies and I can wear suits without feeling steamy. There are so many awesome holidays like Columbus Day (where my working brethren get a day off), Halloween (where kids get free candy), Thanksgiving (so we can stuff ourselves with awesome food) and my birthday on Roctober 26. And you can’t forget about Homecomings. After all, there are tons of parties and opportunities to get inebriated. So many great memories happen people and this is truly my time of the year.

Whenever Roctober hits, I take an enjoyable trip down memory lane. I traveled back through time the other day. I was driving my ’98 Durango and blasted KoRn’s “Got the Life.” It was bumping. Everyone knew what it was about, even old folks gasped for air.

It was Fall of ’98 and innovative movement began. Some people called it rap metal, others coined it nu metal, but I appreciated it for what it was: funky rock music. KoRn just hit it big with “Got the Life” and paved the way for a new breed of angry music. KoRn became the “new” fathers of metal and had their children of the KoRn in developing bands like Limp Bizkit, Incubus and Rammstein. The football jersey, baggy shirt and backwards hat style of dress apparel made it abundantly clear that this was more than music, rather a cultural movement.

This proposes the ever-so-important question of what do you do with so these power pop bands? You take them on tour and teach them family values. That’s it! KoRn took their children on tour and cleverly billed it “The Family Values Tour.” Say what you will, but it worked. Because of this concert series, fans got to familiar themselves with Incubus, Rammstein, Orgy, Limp Bizkit and Ice Cube. Of course, this helped out KoRn a tad little bit. This would be the last time some people heard of these groups. Orgy couldn’t produce another successful cover song (they had a “Blue Monday” to say the least) and Rammstein got hated on (Du Hast).

Could there be signs of this becoming annual? Perhaps. For the most part, everyone benefited, especially Limp Bizkit. They got so big, they had the privilege of headlining the ’99 bill. The ’99 Tour got Primus, Staind, Filter and the Crystal Method some mainstream exposure. And staying true to the Hip-Hop Roots, Method Man, Redman, Mobb Deep and Ja Rule (pre-Murder Inc. years) got in on the scoop. Sadly, Family Values would return once more, in 2001 where Stone Temple Pilots brought Linkin Park, Staind, Static-X and Deadsy for the ride.

Perhaps the day this “rock” style died was the day Family Values discontinued. Honestly, what other tour was going to introduce fans to this type of music? Ozzfest is too hardcore. Llollapalooza is too artsy. Lillithfair already had enough bitches. The bottom line is this: whether you like the above bands or not, the Family Values Tour was a brilliant idea. It became the big tour of the Autumn and introduce new faces to a rock and rap audience. It also really enhanced a lot of careers. A lot of bands blew up. And the fact of the matter is a lot of people say rap rock was a trend that died when KoRn and Limp Bizkit took a backseat. I say the day that music died is when the heart disappeared and quite frankly, the heart was the tour that started it all: The Family Values Tour. Rap Metal died in 2001. Who cares?

Now that I think about it, honestly believe this tour could still be a huge success. Think about it.

A) Family Values was always advertised as the tour of the Autumn. There isn’t another annual concert series which is being held at this time.

B) Bands that have been on the bill before are coming out with new albums. Staind just came out with Chapter V and a hard hitting band like Disturbed, who just debuted on the Billboard Charts at number one with Ten Thousand Fists could be a major headliner. With KoRn, Linkin Park, Velvet Revolver and Incubus going into the studio, they could highlight the tour in the future.

C) This tour would be an excellent opportunity to showcase developing talent (like it did in the beginning). For example, KoRn has a few bands under their label Elementree and Limp Bizkit has Puddle of Mudd, She Sought Revenge, Revolution Smile and Ringside on Flawless Records, Family Values would be a great way to introduce these groups to these audiences.

Shit, why am I wasting my breath with this? Nobody cares. I probably lost readers once I mentioned 1998 or Lillithfair. It’s not like any band will be reading this (even if they did, no one would act on the idea).

So yeah, my birthday is Roctober 26 and I know I’m not going to be getting much of anything. I know I won’t be writing for Rolling Stone and I know I won’t hosting some music program. I also know I won’t be seeing Family Values this year. Well, here’s to another year and another birthday wish that won’t come true. Blow out the candles.