(Guest Author: “The Magic Ninja” Joey Tesauro)
So last week was a day of rejoicing for Xbox gaming geeks such as myself. The most recent addition to the infamous series of video games Grand Theft Auto was finally ported to the big green machine after being a Playstation2 exclusive since it’s initial release last October. While all of us formerly were limited to playing it at our friend’s house on their PS2, all the while muttering, “it’s really not THAT great” in our fits of jealous self delusion, now we’re able to play it on our own.
I’m not going to launch into a review of this game, the thing pretty much speaks for itself at this point, assuming you haven’t of course been living in a cave for the last five years or so. The game does feature a whole new host of features, one of which allows the main character, voiced brilliantly by relatively unknown rapper Young Maylay, (Damned if I know who the hell this guy is, but he holds his own against James Woods and Samuel L Jackson, and that’s impressive), to go on dates.
Here’s the part that interests me, though I will state for the record I haven’t progressed far enough into the game to try the dating parts myself, I’ve only heard second hand tell of it. Supposedly, the programmers wrote additional sequences to the dating, that instead of CJ just going into the apartment for coffee, there were actual sex scenes, and mini games involved during the sex for actual gameplay.
Now I’m not one of the five people on the planet who bought Dead or Alive Beach Volleyball, the idea of video game characters naked does nothing for me, that’s not what interests me about these cut sequences. Of course they had to be cut, because they would have earned GTA the dreaded X rated label, and then no stores would have dared carry it. The game’s apparently racy enough already.
So let me get this straight here. You can have your main character pick up a hooker, beat her to death with a baseball bat, and then take her money, but you can’t show a man having CONSENSUAL sex with a woman?
WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS WRONG WITH US?
Now if you will excuse me, it’s time for a drink.