Wasted Words 26

Recommended download: The Hurt ProcessThis Piece

Hello everyone. You know, I was thinking the other day about my column here at Baloola Palooza. It’s getting kinda stale. I mean, there’s already countless news sites out there who post a lot of the same info I write about. So I was thinking of things that I could do to refresh it, make it a little better. You know what I came up with? Nothing. No ideas at all. But rest assured, I’ll think of something. If there’s anything you, the readers, would like to see here then drop me a comment or an email. I’m definitely open for suggestions.

I was dropping off some show flyers at the record store yesterday, and picked up a couple CDs. I found both of them used, for $5.99 each. I got No Use For A Name More Betterness and Snapcase Bright Flashes. The No Use album is great, but I’ve yet to listen to the Snapcase disc. I’m sure it’s wonderful as well, every other album I’ve heard is great. I received Rise Against The Unrraveling in the mail last week. I ordered it from the Fat Wreck website. Great album, though their second release Revolutions Per Minute blows it away. Then again, RPM blows most albums away, so it’s to be expected. I just received the Rock Against Bush compilation in the mail today. I only heard one song that I didn’t like, which was Ministry, No W. I just don’t care for it. Standout tracks include Rise Against Give It All, Anti-Flag The School of Assassins, and NOFX Jaw, Knee, Music. Also, to my surprise, I’m really digging the RX Bandits track on this compilation. It’s a reggae-styled track called Overcome(The Recapitulation), which starts out slow but continually gets faster. I recommend everyone go out and buy this compilation now. I’ve watched some of the DVD that is included with the CD. There are four music videos; NOFX Franco Un-American, Anti-Flag Turncoat, Bad Religion Sorrow, and Strike Anywhere Infrared. I also watched the stand up comedy routine by David Cross. It only runs about 10 to 15 minutes long, but it’s hilarious and well worth the time spent watching it.

Thrice and Dashboard Confessional will be CO-headlining the Civic Tour this spring. The Get Up Kids will be opening the show on all dates. Other opening acts will include Motion City Soundtrack, Head Automatica, Say Anything, Hot Water Music, and The Format.

On June 8, Alexisonfire will be releasing their second album, Watch Out. At this point, the album will only be released in Canada and no American release date has been announced. Here is the track list for the album…
1. Accidents
2. Control
3. It Was Fear For Myself That Made Me Odd
4. Side Walk When She Walks
5. Hey, It’s Your Funeral Mama
6. No Transitory
7. Sharks And Danger
8. That Girl Possessed
9. White Devil
10. Get Fighted
11. Happiness By The Kilowatt

A movie about Kurt Cobain is currently in the works. The WB network has recently acquired the rights to a biography of Cobain, Heavier Than Heaven and have hired a writer to adapt a movie script based on the biography. Hopefully it’s better than the Kurt and Courtney documentary I watched a few weeks ago.

SideOneDummy has posted the track listing to the Warped Tour 2004 compilation. The double disc set, due out June 8, will feature new tracks from Taking Back Sunday, Flogging Molly, and others. You can check out the full track list on the SideOneDummy website. It should probably be a low price as the past albums have been, usually $6.99.

Three reasons July will rule for me…
1) I’ll be attending the Vans Warped Tour in Indianapolis
2) The Used will be releasing their new album
3) New Taking Back Sunday album

Thank you for reading. Until next time, I’m out.

Wasted Words 25

Hello everyone. Welcome to my little corner of, well, whatever it is. You know what I don’t like? Arrogant, conceited people. Like, when someone drops some constructive criticism in your direction, take it for what it’s worth and make the needed changes. Be a man about it, rather than blowing up over the whole ordeal. That just makes things worse than they really need to be and nothing gets accomplished. Running away doesn’t make it go away either, it just makes you look like a fool. Be careful of the bridges you burn. With that said, enjoy.

Epitaph has set the release date for the ninth installment of the Punk-O-Rama compilation series, for June 8. Rather than a two disc set, as it was last year, it will be a CD/DVD combo. The DVD will feature videos from Matchbook Romance, Horrorpops, Atmosphere, and other Epitaph artists. You can view the tracklisting and artwork by visiting the Epitaph Records website.

Head on over to Anti-Flag.com and read Justin Sane’s commentary on the Media. He makes some great points, and gives several alternative outlets for your news.

I don’t know about any of you, but I can’t wait for the Rock Against Bush album, which comes out April 20 on Fat Wreck Chords. That’s this coming Tuesday, knuckle heads. The album features 26 tracks, 17 of which are unreleased. The compilation includes bands such as Anti-Flag, Less Than Jake, New Found Glory, NOFX, Alkaline Trio, Against Me, and many more. What’s even better is, the compilation will also come with a DVD that will feature music videos, political trailers, and much more. What’s even better than that? As the title, Rock Against Bush, implies, this album is about spreading the word about George Bush, and letting kids know what a douche bag he is. Not only do you get some kick ass songs by some kick ass bands, but it’s for a good cause to! Oh yeah, and if you order if from the Fat Wreck web site, you get a free Rock Against Bush bumper sticker. You can also view the e-card here.

Also out on April 20, Brazil The Hostage and The Meaning Of Life on Fearless Records. Right now they’re touring with Funeral For A Friend and Coheed & Cambria, and I just know they’re representing Muncie, Indiana to the fullest.

Method Man has a new album on the way. Due out May 18, Tical 0: The Prequel, will be Meth’s first solo album since 1998. The album will feature many guest spots, including some of hip hops brightest stars such as Snoop Dogg, Redman, Ludacris, and other Wu Tang members. Unfortunately, the album also features a guest spot by Chingy, as well as P. Diddy.

Finch are currently in the studio recording their second album. Look for it in stores sometime this summer.

Thanks for reading. Until next time, I’m out.

Wasted Words 24

Recommended download: Most Precious BloodYour Picture Hung Itself

Hello guys and gals, and everything in between. Welcome to this weeks edition of Wasted Words. I picked up several new CD’s recently. I grabbed N.E.R.D Fly Or Die, which you will find a review for in this very column. I went to a show the other night at, believe it or not, a skating rink. Local bands, Oblique and Mantis played. Mantis just released their new album, Moonshine Tabernacle, which I picked up. It’s a damn good album. They’re described doom/stoner rock, but to me it’s all rock n roll. I’ve only seen these guys play a couple times, but they put on a great show that really gets the crowd going. If you’d like to check them out, you can visit their website at www.mantisrocks.com. I’ve also been going through some of my hip hop cassettes and updating them to CDs. So far I’ve gotten NWA Straight Outta Compton, Ice Cube AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted, Public Enemy Fear of a Black Planet, and Onyx Bacdafucup. All of which are hip hop classics, regardless what anyone says. I highly recommend each one of those albums to any hip hop fan. Now, on with the news and reviews. Enjoy.

N.E.R.D.Fly Or Die The follow-up to their debut album, In Search Of, could leave most people scratching their heads. I purchased this album expecting a hip hop record. What I got was a mixture of jazz, R&B, soul, and a bit of hip hop. The sound on this album is completely different from that of their previous effort and definitely not what I was expecting/hoping for. Most songs consist of Pharrel singing rather than rapping. If you’ve ever heard him sing, you would know why this is not a good thing. Guests on the album include Lenny Kravitz, ?uestlove, and Joel and Benji Madden of Good Charlotte. Fly Or Die is not a terrible album, but it’s not a great album either. It’s merely a decent album, which takes a few listens to really get into. Maybe it will grow on me after a while, but my recommendation as of now is to pass on this album.
Recommended tracks: Thrasher, Jump, and She Wants To Move

Avenged Sevenfold have a new video up. It’s for the song, Unholy Confessions, from their album, Waking The Fallen. You can check it out here.

Oblique also have a new video. It’s for their song Presense Guiding. You can check it out here.

Initial Records’ annual Krazy Fest has been postponed, or possibly even canceled. Originally, the event was scheduled to take place in April. It looks possible for it to take place this summer or fall. There is also speculation that this event might not happen at all.

Taking Back Sunday fans should be excited to know, the band has announced their album should be in stores in July. I know I’ll be looking forward to it.

The Deftones will be heading into the studio in June to work on their new album.

Don’t forget, on April 20, to run out and pick up a copy of Rock Against Bush Vol. 1, out on Fat Wreck Chords. The album will feature 26 songs, all of which are either rare or unreleased tracks. Also included will be a DVD featuring music videos and political content. It should be decently priced, as most Fat Wreck compilations are.

Nu Metal kids shall be converted! Death By Stereo are heading out on the road for several dates on the Jagermeister Tour, along with Slipknot, Fear Factory, and Chimaira. You can get more info here.

That’s all for this week kids. Until next time, I’m out.

Wasted Words 23

Recommended download: No Use For A NameComing Too Close

Hey folks. I’ve got a few quick news bits and some album previews. I picked up the new N.E.R.D. album, Fly Or Die, today. I’ll drop a quick review of it in next weeks column. Enjoy.

The FBI has joined the investigation into Notorious B.I.G.’s murder, which occurred seven years ago. They will be checking into a theory that Los Angeles police officer, David Mack, was involved in the shooting along with Suge Knight. All I can say is that it’s about time. On a related note; B.I.G.’s Mother, Voletta Wallace, has filed a wrongful-death suit against the LAPD. She’s alleging that there was a cover up to hide police involvement in her son’s murder. The case is scheduled to go to trial on July 27.

Chicago band, Numb, will head out on the road this summer for a short tour of the East coast. There will be six dates in total. The trek begins in Pittsburgh, PA on June 20 and will finish up on June 27 in Raleigh, NC. Other dates will include Buffalo, NY, Baltimore, MD, and Richmond, VA. If they come to your area, you should really try to check them out.

Some great new albums to look forward to in the next few months…

Sugarcult has a new album due out April 13. The album is titled Palm Trees and Power Lines, and will feature an enhanced CD with live concert footage.

Autopilot Off also have a new album due out on April 13. The album will be titled Make A Sound and will feature the single What I Want, which was CO-written by Tim Armstrong of Rancid.

April 20 will bring us the fifth installment of the BYO Split Series. The album will feature Alkaline Trio and One Man Army, with both bands delivering six new songs each.

New Found Glory will release their new album, Catalyst, on May 18. According to NFG guitarist, Chad Gilbert, “the music on this record is harder. There’s a lot of breakdowns and a lot of riffs that you would normally hear from more of a hardcore band.”

Bad Religion has a new album, titled The Empire Strikes First, due out on June 8. If the album title, song titles, and artwork are any indication, this will likely be a very political album. We all know they’ve got plenty of material to write about these days.

Other albums due out in the next couple of months.
Brazil A Hostage And The Meaning Of Life
Killswitch Engage The End of Heartache
Eighteen Visions Obsession
Slipknot Volume 3: The Subliminal Verses
Funeral For A Friend Casually Dressed and Deep In Conversation

Thanks for reading. Until next time, I’m out.

Wasted Words 22

Hello everyone. I’m back again just as I said I would be, with my second column for the week. This one is up on the usual day, sort of. Had a busy day today. Took the kids to the mall to get their pictures taken. Ashley wasn’t having anything to do with it, so we skipped hers for today. She just had them done a few months ago, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Matthew didn’t do bad. We got two decent poses before he decided he would start crying and not stop. Did some shopping, and I picked up some new jeans, a Cat In The Hat DVD for my daughter, and a couple new CDs. I picked up AMP Presents Volume 1: Hardcore for $4.99. It’s got 25 tracks, featuring bands like Atreyu, Bleeding Through, Every Time I Die, Poison the Well, Throwdown, and many more. I also picked up a Trustkill records compilation, titled Blood, Sweat, and Ten Years. It has 18 tracks and features Most Precious Blood, Hopesfall, Nora, and more. It only cost me $3.99. Both are highly recommended to fans of hardcore. On with the news and reviews.

My Boss’s Daughter The story is simple; Tom (Ashton Kutcher) shows up for what he thinks is a date, and ends up volunteering to bird watch his boss’s prized possession, his pet owl. From that point, anything and everything that could possibly go wrong, does. His boss also happens to have a sexy daughter, who is played by Tara Reid. This movie has some funny moments that will make you laugh, but they are few and far between. It just didn’t quite live up to the hype it received. In fact, the only high point for me was seeing Carmen Electra’s breasts through a white T-shirt soaked with water. But who hasn’t seen that already? Bottom line, this is a decent movie worthy of renting for an evening, but I wouldn’t advise dropping down twenty dollars to own it.

EamonI Don’t Want You Back By now, I’m sure most of you have probably heard (or at least heard about) the song, Fuck It(I Don’t Want You Back). Maybe you haven’t. So I gave this album a listen, and my first thoughts were correct. This guy is just another pop star with a gimmick. He takes R&B, adds in a bunch of swear words to appeal to the younger crowd, and there you have it. This has been done before, as well as better by groups like Sons of Funk and Mo B. Dick. There are a couple decent songs on here, such as the previously mentioned single, and Lo Rida which features N.O.R.E. Aside from those two tracks, this album has nothing to offer. At least my girlfriend likes it. Recommended tracks The only two good songs on the album…Fuck It(I Don’t Want You Back), Lo Rida.

YellowcardOcean Avenue If you were to hear their singles, Ocean Avenue or Way Away, you might write these guys off as your typical pop-punk band. While those are both good tracks, they don’t fully represent this bands talent. Their sound is influenced by many musical styles, including pop-punk, emo, country, and they’ve tossed a violin player in the mix as well. They’re not exactly doing anything revolutionary by any means, but they are a bit different than most pop-punk these days. Yes, even as a fan of pop-punk, I admit it gets repetitive at times. Back to the subject at hand, Ocean Avenue. From the fast paced pop-punk sound of Way Away to the mellow, country influenced View From Heaven, this is a great album. One which I highly recommend to fans of Something Corporate, The Starting Line, and Matchbook Romance.
Recommended tracks Way Away, Empty Apartment, and Believe.

You can check out the artwork and track listing for the new Bad Religion album, The Empire Strikes First, over at the Epitaph website. The album is due out June 8 on Epitaph records.

There’s a new Child’s Play movie in the works, titled Seed of Chucky. The movie will feature Method Man playing the role of a rapper-turned-Hollywood director. I liked the first Child’s Play, and even the second and third. But the Bride of Chucky was just plain unnecessary, as this fourth movie sounds like it will be. Regardless, I’m sure when it comes out on DVD I will see it and then I’ll complain about how I wasted 2.99 to rent it.

Those of you looking to see another side of Tupac Shakur, other than what the media portrayed, are in luck. Letters he wrote from prison to actress and model Angela Ardis are going to be published in a book. The book will be titled Inside A Thugs Heart and will be released on May 4. I know I’ll be looking forward to it.

Buckethead has left Guns N Roses. I’m crushed.

Thanks for reading. Until next time, I’m out.

Wasted Words 21

Hello everyone, it’s me again. Sorry that I missed last weeks column, but I’m gonna make up for it with two in one week. Honestly, I just didn’t have much to write about. Not only that, but I’ve had a lot on my mind as of late. This month will mark the one year anniversary of my Father’s death. March 27, to be exact. It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year already. Time just seems to have flown right by. Strange how that works, huh? You lose someone so special, someone who regardless of their flaws, has meant the world to you and life is supposed to continue as normal. They’re gone, and time just keeps going without them. The earth keeps moving, and life goes on, business as usual. I keep a picture of him in a drawer next to my bed. Sometimes I take the picture out, and I sit and look at it. Most of the time I will cry, other times I don’t. I found something a few months after his funeral, that he had written during an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. It was in a notepad, which he used to take notes in. It said “I ask for God to release my anger, and truly set me free.” Alone, this sentence doesn’t seem very relevant. But when accompanied by the writing we chose for his funeral booklet, it completely makes sense. Here is the piece we chose.

I’m Free
Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free;
I’m following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard him call;
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I found that place at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss;
Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow;
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much;
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief;
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me;
God wanted me now, he set me free.

When I read what he had wrote in his notebook, then thought back on the writing we chose, it all made sense. It was like he had written all of these words to us, and left them there for us to read. He asked for Gods help, to release his anger and to set him free. Free from his demons (alcoholism), which no matter how hard he tried, he could not defeat. God answered his plea for help. I too have asked God to release my anger and set me free from my pain. I have chosen to let go of bad memories and remember the great times spent with my Father, and there were plenty. With that, I feel a sense of closure and relief.

In loving memory
John Charles Rhoades
March 22, 1954 – March 27, 2003

Wasted Words 20

Recommended download: Smoking PopesI Need You Around

Hello everyone. As you can see, I’m back to writing my column. I took a few weeks away from it to chill for a bit, get my head right. But it’s all good now. Be sure to check out the recommended download for this week. They’re not a new band by any means, but they are new to me. I recently heard the song I Need You Around on the radio while driving home from my Mothers house. This song in particular reminds me a bit of Alkaline Trio, so I’m sure Alk3 fans would enjoy this track and probably more of their material. As for the column this week, I’ve got a couple quick album reviews as well as a couple news pieces. Enjoy.

Kanye WestThe College Dropout It would’ve been all too easy for Kanye to follow the proven formula that most mainstream hip hop artists swear by…guns, drugs, and money. Fortunately, he strays from the norm and releases a breath of fresh air into mainstream hip hop. Kanye touches on many different subjects on the album, such as family(Family Business), work(Spaceship), and religion(Jesus Walks). There’s definitely something here that everyone can relate to. There are some great guest spots on the album including verses from Talib Kweli(Get ‘Em High), Common(Get ‘Em High), and Twista(Slow Jams) just to name a few. Overall, this is a solid debut from the producer turned rapper. Nice lyrics, great use of samples, and definitely some tight beats. Do yourself a favor and check it out.
Recommended tracksGet ‘Em High, Family Business, and Jesus Walks

BlindsideAbout A Burning Fire This is the fourth album from these guys, and they’ve changed quite a bit since their self-titled debut in 1997. No necessarily a bad thing, but not necessarily a good thing either. I was a big fan of their previous album, Silence. Naturally, when I saw their new album on the shelf I was excited and picked it up right away. The album starts off pretty strong with Eye Of The Storm, and keeps up with the pace set by the opener with the next couple of songs. From here on out, what had the opportunity to be a great album falls in line somewhere between good and mediocre. It’s not a horrible album by any means, and in no way do I regret buying it. It’s just not what I expected from these guys. Maybe my expectations were too high after their previous effort, but they certainly weren’t met by this album.
Recommended tracksEye Of The Storm, Follow You Down, and About A Burning Fire.

Here is the track listing for the Rock Against Bush album that is due out on Fat Wreck Chords April 26. The album will also include a bonus DVD with videos from Bad Religion, Anti-Flag, and NOFX among other things.
01. None More Black  “Nothing To Do When You’re Locked In A Vacancy” (unreleased)
02. Sum 41  “Moron” (unreleased)
03. Alkaline Trio  “Warbrain” (unreleased)
04. Epoxies  “Need More Time”
05. Anti-Flag  “Rights Back” (unreleased)
06. Against Me!  “Sink, Florida, Sink” (Electric) (unreleased)
07. The Offspring  “Baghdad” (rare)
08. The Get Up Kids  “Lion And The Lamb” (unreleased)
09. Rise Against  “Give It All” (unreleased)
10. Ministry  “No-W” (unreleased)
11. Descendents  “Sad State Of Affairs” (unreleased)
12. Authority Zero  “Revolution” (unreleased)
13. The Soviettes  “Paranoia Cha-Cha-Cha” (unreleased)
14. Jello Biafra & D.O.A.  “That’s Progress”
15. RX Bandits  “Overcome (The Recapitulation)”
16. Strung Out  “No Voice Of Mine” (unreleased)
17. Strike Anywhere  “To The World”
18. The Ataris  “Heaven Is Falling” (unreleased)
19. Pennywise  “God Save The USA”
20. Denali  “Normal Days”
21. World/Inferno Friendship Society  “The Expatriate Act”
22. New Found Glory  “No News Is Good News” (unreleased)
23. The Frisk  “Basket Of Snakes” (unreleased)
24. NOFX  “Jaw, Knee, Music” (unreleased)
25. Social Distortion  “It’s The Law”
26. Less Than Jake featuring Billy Bragg  “The Brightest Bulb Has Burned Out” (rare)

I had the unfortunate luck of catching the new Cypress Hill video last night. It’s for their new song, called What’s Your Number. Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t cared much for these guys since Black Sunday, but this song is not typical Cypress Hill and I personally don’t care too much for it. Of course, it could be that I’m just too fond of their debut album, which featured How I Could Just Kill a Man, and nothing since then has lived up to it(in my opinion). Their new track samples The Clash’s Guns Of Brixton and also features Rancid’s Tim Armstrong on guitar. The video features quite a few cameos, including Travis Barker(Blink 182, Boxcar Racer, Transplants), Everlast, Skinhead Rob(Transplants), and Slash just to name a few. In related news, Cypress Hill will be touring with Blink 182 and Taking Back Sunday this spring before Blink embarks on their tour with No Doubt.

That’s all for this week. Thanks for reading. Until next time, I’m out.

The Seventh Sin


Well, we come to it at last, the seventh sin.
And it’s been a ride hasn’t it? Well, you’re right, it hasn’t. You’re lookin’ deep now, waiting for that first cynical remark. The seventh sin is bad rap music. So what’s he got to say? How long until he drops an F-bomb? He didn’t drop an F-bomb in the last column, and that got me scared.

Well, there’s a reason for that. People who shouldn’t have been reading my columns read them. And by this, I don’t mean people I know… the more, the merrier!… but people who have no idea what I’m trying to say. Only one person read it… and promptly expressed to the proper authorities that I am a woman-hater. Woman-hater? Me? Why, because I refuse to tolerate idiocy? Because I see “Lifetime” as the sorry, pandering crap it is? Because I point out that “Men are Pigs” is a dumb saying (try gettin’ a pig to build a skyscraper, or go to war)? Women may need men like a fish needs a bicycle. Fish also swim around in their own crap. If they have a bicycle, they can probably ride to a clean tank. In fact, that’s kind of what usually goes on.

Not one F-bomb yet! And this argument is truly, honestly deserving of it. Anyway, back to the sin.


I’m all for retarded people. Seriously, I think we should give ’em more freedoms and more chances to advance in the world. But there is one instance I can’t stand. We should not give them money to ruin an art form.

Listen to Grandmaster Flash and “The Message”, “Welcome to the Terror-dome” by Public Enemy, or “Children’s Story” by Slick Rick. Or even “Da Art of Storytelling” by Slick Rock and Outkast. These deal with real issues in the world that troubled the musicians at the time. Now, not all music has to do that… but rap seems built to explore these regions, better than the oft-traveled paths of love and heartbreak. Maybe it’s the way the performer doesn’t actually sing, but talks to a beat, so it’s like poetry.

But of course, everything changes. Rock and Roll became hair Metal and then Nu-Metal and then that scary monster, Rap-Rock. New Wave died out and was replaced with vacuuous pop. Country… well, let’s be honest, it’s always sucked. And rap… well, let’s compare how it’s changed.

A child is born with no state of mind
Blind to the ways of mankind
God is smilin’ on you but he’s frownin’ too
Because only God knows what you’ll go through
You’ll grow in the ghetto livin’ second-rate
And your eyes will sing a song called deep hate
The places you play and where you stay
Looks like one great big alleyway
You’ll admire all the number-book takers
Thugs, pimps and pushers and the big money-makers
Drivin’ big cars, spendin’ twenties and tens
And you’ll wanna grow up to be just like them, huh
Smugglers, scramblers, burglars, gamblers
Pickpocket peddlers, even panhandlers
You say I’m cool, huh, I’m no fool
But then you wind up droppin’ outta high school
Now you’re unemployed, all non-void
Walkin’ round like you’re Pretty Boy Floyd
Turned stick-up kid, but look what you done did
Got sent up for a eight-year bid
Now your manhood is took and you’re a Maytag
Spend the next two years as a undercover fag
Bein’ used and abused to serve like hell
’til one day, you was found hung dead in the cell
It was plain to see that your life was lost
You was cold and your body swung back and forth
But now your eyes sing the sad, sad song
Of how you lived so fast and died so young so…

-Grandmaster Flash

Compare the message… the beat, the delivery of that song with this new classic…

Half step pussy ass nigga
Why you lookin’ at a nigga like you wanna run one wit’ me?
I got my big gun wit’ me don’t feel like doofin’ I feel like shootin’ FOOL!
And I don’t like your atitude
You do shit that dem hoes on a rag’ll do
Ol’ faggot, you better watch your mouth
Fo’ I be in front yo’ house, when yo’ ass come out
Ol’ bitch ass, hold another nigga dick ass, BITCH ASS, NIGGA!

-Ying Yang Twins

The sad thing is, the twins, who are nothing more than a pair of ugly, untalented, yammering asses will make ten times as much as Grandmaster Flash for one millionth of the thought and effort. They appeal to every black stereotype, every thug stereotype, with not a brain cell between them.

Oh, and going back to last week’s point… count the I’s in both works. See where the artist’s concern’s lie.

See, this wouldn’t be a problem, except people are listening to this horrible shit. There is nothing in this that could nourish good feelings. I wouldn’t want to “party” with these two monkeys… they’d just start a fight! Yet I look around and see people bumping this music, riding in cars with “Neon Illusions” or “Big Boyz Toyz” across their hoods in plastic stickers… with neon sticks under their vehicles… it’s more than a pet peeve. It’s what’s going to kill the American mind. When you look into Ludacris’s eyes as he bites into that woman’s leg, you are looking into the eyes of a murderer. When you listen to tobey Keith sing about rag-heads, you’re listening to a murderer. The victim sits between your ears.


Well, I was gonna answer mail, but I think I’ll save that for next week. This column is tame by my standards…. but don’t worry. When I get good and angry about something, I tend to speak rationally. When I’m just goofin’ around is when you’ll see the swears. So, in closing, “Fuck”.

Tales From The Bishop: Another Sin, another Dollar


You know, it’s New Years, and they say there wasn’t a terrorist attack. Go to the airport, and see if they give you a cavity search…. then ask yourself… “self, if that wasn’t a terrorist attack, what is?”


Linkin Park is one of the biggets bands out there! Wow! Look at all the albums they sell. Million upon millions of angst-ridden youths wandering around, buying up these albums of rap-rock (rap-rock… doesn’t it sound like some wierd rock monster out of Two Towers?) and blaring them as they sit in their room, writing in their journals about how much they hate their parents for skimming their allowance. But there’s a problem with all of this… it’s my problem with most contemporary music. Most of it is… well.


I’m all for a self-centered song, but coupled with the Vagina movement of 1997 (anybody remember Paula Cole?) and the ensuing Lillith Fair b.s., it became fashionable to sing about yourself… completely about yourself. And not in the good way of the past, where it was used to spread a message. Now it was used simply to vent. Consider Public Enemy, who’s lyrics were focused on oppression with a steady, driving beat, or the music of early Metallica, which, although not my cup of tea, tended to tell stories with words. Now, consider this for a moment.

I wanna heal, I wanna feel…”

“Everything you say to me, it takes me one step closer to the edge, and I’m about to break!”

I am number one…”

I am not the person who is singing, I am the quiet one inside…”

“It doesn’t matter what car I drive or the ice around my neck…”

“How do you like me now, now that I’m on my way, do you still think I’m crazy, standing here today?”

“You’re gettin’ closer, to pushin’ me off of lifes little (god that’s lame) ledge, ‘Cause I’m a loser…”

I wanna be in another place, I hate when you say you don’t, understand… I wanna be with the energy (?) not with the enemy, a place for my head…”

“Now I see, you’re testing me, pushing me away…” (Well of course she is, you narcissistic whiner)

JESUS! When the Beatles did it, it was ast least interesting… (I am the Walrus, anybody?) but this shit…. and yes folks, it is shit, all of it… is a genuine bore. Nobody’s into creation, they just like to vent. Get a Linkin Park album, and bleep out every menion of the words “I, my, myself, mine, and me”. What you’re left with will sound like a Robot on dialysis.

Everythings contaminated. Rap becomes a dick-waving contest. Rock becomes an angst-waving contest. Pop tries to see how greatly it can irritate me. Country? God, it’s forgotten it’s cousin-molesting roots!


Let’s forget all of that, anyway. Time to explain to you the peculiar habits of the once and future roomate. Lets call him Finius to avoid a lawsuit.

Finius, he has a very strict religion on him. It disallows him from doing a lot of fun… and nessessary things. Like waxing the weasel. As a result, he sits at his computer, and his legs… shake. Mechanically. Mine don’t, because the central nerve cluster between them is given maintenence on a regular basis. It’s not a sin, it’s a necessity. But Finius, he don’t know that, and as a result, he sits at his desk, bug-eyed, legs shaking like a grasshopper on cocaine. But it don’t stop there. The guy has an online girlfriend. (which is LAME. LAMER THAN THE LAMEST OF THE LAME. Twice as lame as Lara) When he talks to her on the phone, (or worse, on the computer), he utters this fake laugh. “A hee ha!” Remember Mosquito? Kinda like that (and if you remember Mosquito, you get a free pie).
Anyway, mannerisms such as this realy get to me. Which brings me to SIN FIVE, which I was supposed to write on last week. It really ties in with SIN SIX….


I got a buddy named Bo, and he’s one cool ass guy! He gets all the ladies, is a blast to be around, and smells fantastic. One problem….
The high fives he gives… and he gives a lot… lack manliness.
Here’s a high five from Bo.

“High Five!”

My hand is raised. Bo’s hand softly touches the bottom of my palm in the most homoerotic fashion imaginable, and then gently caresses the old scars beneath my wrist, before giving me a slight tickle just above my elbow.
…although I bet of you are sportin’ some trouser oak from that description, ya fackin’ perverts.

Anyway, enough of this. I must get back to my marvelous Dallas vacation. Mazel Tov ya crazy kids!

Sin 4: A fat man's time is precious…

Howdy folks, I’m back. Sorry about that little freak-out last week. What can I say? Sometimes you just gotta get in touch with your feminine side… then get the hell away from it before it turns you into a sweater-vest wearing interior decorator. Anyways, on with the show.


Since I was eight years old, I’ve had a weight problem. I blame myself for this, and my heroic love of carbohydrates. Since I was nineteen, I’ve also had another annoying habit. I’ve spent a lot more time listening to chicks complain about their boyfriends than any man should be capable of.
For instance, I had this one friend, who was a real winner. She hooked up with this guy, and within two months she boned her ex-boyfriend… before boning the guy she was dating. Then she, sobbing, begged for his forgiveness and, being whipped and nowhere as good with women as he thought he was, he gave in.
I get this call while I’m trying to study for my fuckin’ FINALS from her. It’s her bitching for about an hour about how he’s hanging out with his friends instead of her. I get to Searcy, kinda ready to give this guy a talking-to, when the first thing he says when I walk in is, “I hate those guys”-meaning his friends she was talking about-and he “hadn’t seen them in weeks.”

Strike One: Cheating
Strike Two: Bothering a fat guy
Strike Three: Bothering a fat guy with lies, lies, lies!

Girls, if you see a fat guy, don’t start complaining about your relationship with some guy who’s taken care of his body. It just pisses them off. If you want to make a fat guy happy, give him a twinkie or a hamburger. Bitching is just a way to release negativity, but instead of transfering it, as some selfish bitches hope to do, it just spreads it. Then, instead of one sad person, you’ve got a sad person and a bored person.

Unless the fat guy is directly involved in the proceedings, don’t bother him with your bullshit problems.

There, least funny of my seven deadly sins out of the way. Now what?


I never really got this, seriously.
I got Public Enemy. Do you have any idea how hard that is? To be an upper middle-class white boy, and ‘getting’ Public Enemy? I had to listen for hours to get into the mentality of them. To understand the appeal, and where they were coming from.
I can say no such thing about Nirvana.
I just…don’t… get it.
I’ve heard “Smells like Teen Spirit” and “Come as you Are”, and I’ve been put through their other stuff, too, all while the people playing the music tell me, “Can you believe this? Can you believe how good this is?”
“No,” I had to answer, “Because it really isn’t.”
Maybe I just missed the point somewhere. It just seems to me that Nirvana is liked because legally, people between the ages of thirty and ten are supposed to like them. They’re supposed to symbolize some form of depressed rebellion or something. But they don’t.
When “Come as you are” came on the radio when I was a kid, I changed the station. The song bored me. It still does. I just don’t get Nirvana. I don’t want to.


Much has been said of this band, this “Good Charlotte”. Much has been mentioned of their initial goodishness and their quick descent into hatability. Will I say more? Yes.
This happens all the time. I remember people telling me how there was this cool new Mexican dance back in 1996. I saw the dance, and it sucked. I have a keen eye for this. Just like when all my ‘bros’ were rocking to Nookie, I didn’t. I saw that Durst was a bitch. Just like when Fifty Cent popped up on the scene, and I saw that he sucked, so I didn’t listen to him. I’m pretty good at this. I’m like the Annie Oakley of suckiness.
So when “Lifestyles” began to play nonstop, and my friends were “rocking out” to it, I heard that siren song of shit. The lyrics just weren’t that inventive-in fact, rather juvenile. The singers just looked like children going out on Halloween. They remind me of Avrile Levinstien-grr! Look at me! I’m this stereotype! Grr! Look, my lyrics are spelled with numbers! Argh! I’m a pirate!
Popular music bores me. It has since 1997. When “Push” became a hit, they should have just loaded up a bus with all the popstars, present and future, and driven them into the roaring, fiery mouth of hell.


You know why teen suicide is up? Because music has changed.
Back in the old days, songs were happy. Did you know in the 90’s…1890’s… “The Cat came Back” was a big hit? Like a monster hit?
“The cat came back, the very next day, the cat came back, they thought he was a goner…”
God! How could you kill yourself to THAT song? You couldn’t. You’d be too embarassed.
Flash forward a hundred years, and you’ve got Ben Folds singing about his girlfriend getting an abortion, and how sad it is. We now have music styles that appeal to any emotion- Alternative (Depression), Metal (Hatred), Techno (Shamelessness), Pop (Homosexuality). If you’re depressed, pop in something depressing… and get more depressed!
Half these people who write depressing songs have nothing real to complain about. Eric Clapton lost his son, and he had “Tears in Heaven”. That was justified. What do these kids have to complain about now? Did your mom make you take out the garbage? Did your girlfriend not call you back on time? Jeez, share your grief and depression for when you need it, and trust me, there will be a time. Like right now, since my column’s done.