Hello everyone, it’s me again. Sorry that I missed last weeks column, but I’m gonna make up for it with two in one week. Honestly, I just didn’t have much to write about. Not only that, but I’ve had a lot on my mind as of late. This month will mark the one year anniversary of my Father’s death. March 27, to be exact. It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year already. Time just seems to have flown right by. Strange how that works, huh? You lose someone so special, someone who regardless of their flaws, has meant the world to you and life is supposed to continue as normal. They’re gone, and time just keeps going without them. The earth keeps moving, and life goes on, business as usual. I keep a picture of him in a drawer next to my bed. Sometimes I take the picture out, and I sit and look at it. Most of the time I will cry, other times I don’t. I found something a few months after his funeral, that he had written during an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. It was in a notepad, which he used to take notes in. It said “I ask for God to release my anger, and truly set me free.” Alone, this sentence doesn’t seem very relevant. But when accompanied by the writing we chose for his funeral booklet, it completely makes sense. Here is the piece we chose.
Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free;
I’m following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard him call;
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I found that place at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss;
Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow;
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much;
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief;
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me;
God wanted me now, he set me free.
When I read what he had wrote in his notebook, then thought back on the writing we chose, it all made sense. It was like he had written all of these words to us, and left them there for us to read. He asked for Gods help, to release his anger and to set him free. Free from his demons (alcoholism), which no matter how hard he tried, he could not defeat. God answered his plea for help. I too have asked God to release my anger and set me free from my pain. I have chosen to let go of bad memories and remember the great times spent with my Father, and there were plenty. With that, I feel a sense of closure and relief.
In loving memory
John Charles Rhoades
March 22, 1954 – March 27, 2003
7 replies on “Wasted Words 21”
Aaron, you never cease to amaze me with your words, I am sitting here in tears right now, but, not to worry, I need the tears along with other emotion to be healthy..the same as anyone does.We all know that your Dad loved us all, and you are right to say “no matter how hard he tried, he could not defeat (alcoholism)” God knows he did try. The poem that we chose for his memorial could not have been more perfect, and for you to have found those very words (after the fact) that he had written years prior to his death, I am sure was fate, it shows that we were all on the same page, so to speak. We have lots of good memories with your Dad, of us as a Family…Hang onto those and never lose sight of the good he gave to us. I Love You! Forever and a Day..Love, Mom
There are no words my friend. That was beautiful. Your wisdom on this is nothing short of miraculous, your father would be proud, may he rest in peace.
This is absolutely beautiful, and I am sure that your father would greatly appreciate to be so honored. I lost someone very close to me this December, and you are right, it is so weird how life just continues, and how it feels like only yesterday that you were with that person, and then you realize months have passed. you put it into words very well, I hope writing is as therapeutic for you as it is for me, and I am honored that you shared this with the BP community. I am sure this must be a hard time for you and your family, I wish you the best and hope you know that all of us here at BP are here for you.
Thats very sentimental dude, i, like yourself lost my father too, although 11 years ago the pain never leaves you it just comes and goes less often, but words like that and memories we keep in our minds keep them with us through the good and the bad times
its hard to believe its been a year, i remember john calling me and asking me to talk to you because he knew i had been through the loss of my father. its funny i lost my dad 11 years ago and i still havent let go of the anger you speak of. i still hate him for his drug addiction. then again i dont have those good memories that you speak of. im sitting here in a public cafe crying as i type this and im not even too sure why. i hope all is well for you aaron, peace be with you.
Thanks for all the comments. They mean a lot.
I got chills reading this man. Great work and thank you for letting us in on something very personal to you. God bless you and yours.