May is a *CENSORED* nutcase!

Well, welcome back, my friends, to my unnamed column. The raven comes down to the bleak land of music and sets up his hut of enlightenment into things that are not music.

First things first, I’d like to remind you… Equilibrium. If you didn’t see it yet, you don’t matter. Understand? Go. See it. Now.

Today, I want to talk about a film I’ve seen yesterday on the university movie channel. This film, my friends, is called “May”.

This here film is about a girl named May, who, as the title says, a fucking nutcase. I’m not going to bore you with a list of actor names – if you’re interested, just hit “May” on Amazon or something and find out.

Anyway, as I was saying, May is a nutcase. This film starts out a comedy-drama-romantic movie. But don’t be fooled, boys and girls, for this is a comedy not. As you watch the movie, you slowly figure out how fucking disturbed May is. A doll given to her by her mother, shown in the beginning of the movie, is the symbol of her disintegrating mental, well, saniness. The doll is incased in a box with a glass window – cuz it’s valuable and stuff – and this glass slowly cracks throughout the movie, representing May’s mind. May is a weird young woman who works at a animal hospital as an assistant, and sews in her own free time. The movie starts as she saw a guy she liked, and stalks him. She eventually got a date out of him, and got him to like her. Sounds like a sappy romantic teen flick, eh? Thought so myself as well. Then things just starts to get more and more fucked up.

Now, there are major spoilers ahead. If you don’t like spoilers… Get the **** out of here, whippersnapper!

During the movie, May displays a love for certain body parts of certain people. For instance, she loved the first guy becsuse of his beautiful hands. She went all lesbian with a chick because she likes her neck. She also went out with another guy that have desirable arms. And there’s a girl that the lesbian goes out with, who have nice legs.

Well, when her doll finally went in a freakish scene including groping blind children, shattered glass and “I want to meet your friend!”, May went nuts. Frankly, I don’t blame her. Except for the fact that she is already going nuts all along. So anyway, she wants a perfect companion, so what does she do? She makes one herself. With the body parts she wanted. That’s right, she donned a freakish consume on halloween day, and went and slew all those people in turn, putting their parts in a cooler and sewing them together, making a fucked up bi-gender Frankenstein’s monster.

You gotta see it to understand why that movie fucking messed me up. In the very end, May realizes that the body couldn’t see her, so she – get this – scooped her eye out, and put it on the body’s head.

Then she laid next to it, the eye rolling off the head and falling on her cheek, and the body’s hand goes and strokes her cheek. Most. Freaky. Scene. EVER.

Jesus, you probably gotta go see the movie to realize how truly messed up it is.

And do society a favor and don’t ever, ever see this movie stoned.

(Thanks to J’s friend for that quote)

Hope you enjoyed this column. Watch “May” with caution is all I say. Don’t get caught off-guard like I did last night.

Raven out.