Brent Bozell, Dickless Wonder

L. Brent Bozell III. Perhaps you’ve heard the name? At one point, this red-haired, bow-tie wearing fella was riding high in his assaults against the WWF (Not the World Wildlife fund, although there’s a good chance he’s against that too), garnering a lot of attention for decrying the sexual content and language of the show. He’s bitched like none other, filing 99.8% of all complaints to the FCC. Luckily for us, this loud-mouth has kept his gestapo-esque opinions to himself, and kept his hyper-religious reindeer games to himself.

Oh, if only that were so.

During (and after) the 2004 elections, Bozell dove into the mix, endorsing Bush and “exposing” “liberal” “slants” in the “media”. But going back… in 2000, he slammed McCaine, the more “moderate” Republican, endorsing the take-no-prisoners, “My way or go fuck yourself” Bush Cheney ticket. Well, good for him. Angry white bloggers just don’t get the job done sometimes. Bozell’s bitching helped boost his own popularity, and who knows… maybe got his column in a few more papers. But look out! Bozell’s breaking all the rules… even his own!

“Notice how PBS would rather not have “this kind of debate,” a debate about bias. They just want their billions from the government, and save the bias debate for someone who gives a damn.”


Not only that, but consider this exchange between him and Paul Waldman (Editor of the Gadflyer

WALDMAN: He didn’t accuse any individuals of anything.

BOZELL: You’re a liar!

WALDMAN: He never accused those guys of anything.

BOZELL: John Kerry is a liar, and you’re a liar!

WALDMAN: What are you talking about?

BOZELL: Fuck you!

Heavens! Well, thank god no cameras were on you, Brent. Then again, I guess hypocrisy really isn’t that big a problem for you. Just titties and cuss words.

Really now… do we seriously require yet another stuff-shirt, unfunny, dickless conservative douche who spends his time (the time most people devote to either work, having sex, or watching one of these shows Bozell hates) trying to tell us what we can and cannot do? One was enough, but we’ve had dozens this century.

Bozell is a bland, boring addition to the Conservative movement; not as attractive as the Bush twins, not as articulate as Zell Miller, not as well endowed as Anne Coulter. But he’s a noisy bland, boring addition, endlessly droning his message of bland, un-fun entertainment, liberal-bashing, and various other repetitive crap we’ve all heard a hundred times before. Bozell has led a coalition to destroy PBS for it’s political bias (ie, tolerance to all people), yet has left Fox News unscathed. Why is this?

Well, Bozell is a pedigreed socialite, rich and fiercely religious (at least for the cameras) figurehead of the PTC, and columnist for the Media Research Center (a very official sounding name for several megabytes of conservative horseshit-Bozell likes that word too). He has five children, which is sad for Brent, because this means that his wife is probably cheating on him. That is, of course, unless he’s somehow found the ability to have sex without a penis.

But I digress, to a topic that people might actually want me to prove (unless some wierd soul wants to see Bozell without pants): that Brent Bozell III is a radical, condescending fascist with no respect for anyone else, be they supporters or detractors.

Go here:

Note at the top of the page: The Top 10 Best and Worst shows for YOUR Family. Because we all know every family is alike, and that they’ll love shows about, oh… wholesome white families. Except for that black family he tacked on at the end… you know, where the father figure makes fun of one of the children for being a possible homosexual. But this is okay… Bozell manages one minority family amid his boring wholesome family show collections, last year he gave some airtime to the Mexicans in the form of George Lopez. Look it up!

Speaking of which, scroll down a little more. Bozell takes it to the fags by attacking Will and Grace. Despite the fact that the banter is tame compared to a lot of other sitcoms that have come and gone (where the hell is the Simple Life on these lists?), this show has maintained a place on the list since it began. Bozell can beat around the bush all he wants, but his columns at the Media Research Center show that the man has a serious issue with homosexuals. Which is usually a defense mechanism for men with serious sexual repression issues. My guess is that either Bozell was called gay while growing up (How could that happen?*) or knows how precarious his position is, and can’t admit to it, or that he hates seeing potential heterosexual penises being used in this fashion. Borne of penis envy, perhaps.

Bozell, despite his strange “Salem 1600s” style of tolerance, states in a column…

“I was preparing for a recent interview on a national newscast the other night when the reporter asked me off-air if it was correct to label the Parents Television Council, which I founded and head, a “conservative” group. Next he asked: With which religious movement was the PTC affiliated? When I answered No and None, he seemed genuinely perplexed…
…my personal ideological perspective on things political is no secret, and it is to be expected that the connection would be made.”

NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK. A man who wastes money he could be donating to the poor (which is an idea I think might have been in the Bible at some point) doing things like this…

…just might have a conservative bias. How much did it cost to get Charlie Daniels to play at your bitch-fest? Didn’t he have some biscuits and gravy to eat somewhere? To all those chic young male Republicans: Keep in mind that when you grow up, your life of personal repression and closemindedness will leave you either a douche in a bow tie with a bad haircut, or a morbidly obese old man with a fiddle. Either way, you probably won’t be able to see your dick.

I tend to treat religion, sexuality and politics the same way: learn to express your opinions in a meaningful manner, and give respect where respect is due. Which, I figure, is a lot better than becoming a media terrorist with delusions of destroying the institution of free speech and instilling Radical Christian Doctrine on a nation that was built on the institutions of Freedom and Liberty (hey, using those concepts to make a point is fun!). It’s not up to the networks to raise children. And it sure as hell isn’t up to Brent Bozell. The sooner he realizes that some people are smart enough to make their own decisions and have the discipline to keep pasty douchebags like himself out of their family member’s lives, the better. So Bozell, do us all a favor. Shut your fucking mouth and get a real job.

* Here’s an idea:

2 replies on “Brent Bozell, Dickless Wonder”

Awesome stuff. Informative and hateful at the same time, just how I like ’em.

And I didn’t even have to threaten you with bodily harm this time, either 🙂

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