Ok so I’ve missed a few weeks worth of articles, so what? If you have got an issue with that then you can direct your comments and opinions to my mailing address: 123 I Don’t Give a Rat’s ass Lane, P.O. Box Up Yours.
Ok so first up this week is something that has been bothering me for a while now. A while back one of my friends decided to have her birthday party at this place called The Slipper Room, it’s a bar in NYC that still holds cabaret shows. Now first of all, cabaret is dead, it has been dead, and I am pretty sure that back in the 1850’s it was dying an early death. I don’t see what the appeal of scantily clad women who appeared to be their 40’s who like to dance in tassels to techno music is, and I am most certainly sure that I will never be able to solve that mystery, however people did seem to enjoy the show, and it was my friends birthday, so whatever. I decided to amuse the idea and “expand my horizons of culture” I just hope those $6 beers will be worth it.
Now I am sure you are asking the question “But why go to the cabaret if you knew it’d blow, do you enjoy subjecting yourself to such torment?” And the answer to that question is simple, I do these things so that I can actually have a valid statement for saying something sucked and bitch about it, other then staying home and imagining the suck fest, because let’s be honest folks, things will suck so much worse then you could ever possibly imagine. Which brings me to topic #2.
People aren’t entitled to jack fucking shit. Tipping is not mandatory, its customary, sure it brings in a large amount of income for someone who is in the serving profession, but if you’re a waiter you are not guaranteed a fucking tip. If you take 20 minutes to bring me a menu, spill food on me, burn my dinner, get my drink order wrong, are rude, and are just plain dumb, you will not get a good tip from me, if any tip at all. Why? Because you are failing your job, and people who fail at their jobs don’t deserve to be paid for them.
Now recently I had met a certain female bartender who refused to serve me and another person I know because “We didn’t tip her.” Now I am not referring to not tipping her the entire night, I am referring to not tipping her on the first beer. I don’t tip the bartender on every drink that I buy, I also rarely tip on the first beer I purchase. Why? I just got in to the place, I want a quick drink, shove the cash in my pocket and see what people are up to, settle in, then on every other beer I will tip, and before I leave I will tip one last time, I know plenty of people like this and it works for me well, and bartenders seem to have no complaints, in fact they are constantly giving me free drinks. Furthermore, it isn’t even like the bartender had some excellent service, she slammed the original drink I ordered down on the bar top and half the beer poured out due to the impact so she could go back to daydreaming. Now she should just go do her job, honestly though, any chimpanzee could do her job, open up the cooler in front of you, stick your hand in it, and give me a beer you dumb bitch! But to demand a tip or else she wasn’t going to serve me? I can’t believe how backwards this slut had the concept, she was basically trying to change the rules and serve me based upon how well I was as a customer, and not serve me as if she was trying to earn her tip. Was she on the rag? Did she have a one night stand and get kicked out of the guys place naked the night before? I don’t know and honestly I don’t care, don’t bring your shit to work if you want people to pay you well.
She obviously didn’t even want to be there, and if only I had one more beer in me I could have made that possible for her by letting her boss know how much money she was costing him, because think about it, if she was to act like that to everyone who didn’t tip? The bar would lose a ton of cash. Oh, and if you’d like to know where this bar was, well, amazingly enough it was also at The Slipper Room. See how that works? If I didn’t go out to the cabaret I’d have never met the ho who wanted to be paid for not working.
To wrap up that wonderful evening, I wound up leaving most of my friends early to go home, way I figured, I was having a miserable time why stick around when I could be sleeping. I was able to grab the 1:46am train out of the city. Now for those of you who aren’t aware, the 1:46am train is one of the most crowded trains that run. This is because all of the drunks coming home from the city are on it. The train is loud, crowded, and smells. Random people can, and will begin talking to you, if you are a 21 year old girl a 50 year old guy may grab you, it happens. I’ve had random men begin talking to me about local native American tribes that once populated Long Island, I’ve also had girls ask me to stand between them and drunk perverts. Hey whatever. The Long Island Railroad STILL charges about $8 for this train ride regardless of time and it’s occupants, and the conductor will still come through and charge an extra $5 if you didn’t buy your ticket in advance, but in all honestly I am actually fairly glad I had caught the 1:46am train. The next one to arrive would have been the 2:55am train. The reason that train is worse then the 1:46am is solely based on the fact that the 2:55am train contains the angry sobering drunks who missed the 1:46am train.
Now if you don’t mind me I only have 30 days left until Christmas and according to the consumer market I don’t have enough time to do my shopping, apparently I should have started back during Columbus Day.