So it’s fairly late at night and I am surfing the web when I get an email. Enclosed within is a message informing me that someone wishes to be my new friend at Myspace. Oh boy! Who is this mysterious person who I have never met who wishes to brighten my entire dark void that I call a life with pointless comments and as much of their unfunny banter as possible? I’ll tell you who this person is, its that crappy emo band that covers Whitesnake with trumpets, or that 13-year-old girl who dresses more slutty then a prostitute in the Dallas Cowboys locker room, or perhaps it is neither and maybe its just Tila Tequila.
Regardless of who the invite is coming from, its always the same motive, they only want to be listed at the top of the Internet popularity food chain. Well guess what? It’ the Internet, no one really cares about you, and sadly, the only reason people will accept these invites is to boost their own level of self-security and raise their level of Internet popularity by a few numbers. Plain and simple, I don’t care about your crappy band and the crappy music you put out, I don’t care about how sexed up you wish to be at the age of 13, and I most certainly don’t want to be your friend. Oh and to all of you 21 year old girls who dress slutty and want to be my friend, you need to stop too. I get enough scantily clad girls from the True adds that liter the screen every time I need to log on because a friend harasses me to comment on a new picture of theirs, if I want to see T & A I’ll download some porn. Please, this is the INTERNET for Christ sakes, lack of cloths isn’t as good as no clothes, and no clothes is even more accessible then a little bit of cloths, so please just stop.
Further more, to people who aren’t in the boat of winning the popularity contest, please stop showing off your crappy artwork and awful mini self-projects. Myspace is NOT a place to be artistic either, go and create your own web page to show this stuff off, I swear these people also most likely add a link to their Myspace account on job resumes nowadays to show off their work and what they are capable of. Finally, on a personal side note, stop sending out those retarded chain letter posts, no one is going to come back from the dead to kill you if you don’t continue to post them and true love won’t find you not because you didn’t send out a new bulletin, true love won’t find you because you never step away from you lousy computer screen.
Moving on, I was at the bar last weekend, and it was a fairly good time and everyone was having fun, and then what had begun to occur was possibly one of the biggest crimes against humanity that I have ever witnessed. A girl weighing in at 250+ got up on the bar top and started to dance. I swear to god, you’re not hot, you don’t have a good body, and no one wants to see your ass crack. If you are a fat girl, don’t show off your goods, no one wants to see that, and you know who I am talking to. Girls who weight under 115 pounds go crazy trying to lose weight to fit into a bikini, so why do girls weighing 215 have no trouble putting one on? Are they that delusional? Do their friends tell them that they are sexy and cute? If you are a fat girl, do not wear skimpy cloths, do not dance topless at bars, its that simple, you will make people throw up. I don’t see how this is such a huge issue today in America, but it happens all the time, its not something that’s an isolated incident, fat women think they are hot and dress as if they were 10 sizes smaller, please, this goes out to all those fat girls friends, tell them they are fat, tell them not to wear certain outfits, do not let them dance on bars when their pants will fall down, just say no to them, don’t worry about hurting their feelings because when someone calls them a beached whale, it’ll just be that much worse on them and you could have prevented it, I mean sure, fat chicks need love to but, that is why Thomas Edison invented the damn light switch.
To wrap this week up I will just be posting a very one sided online conversation this week between me and John.
Big Danny D: the batman
Big Danny D: the crappy cartoon on channel 11
Big Danny D: on Saturday mornings
Big Danny D: they are up to Clayface 2 already
Big Danny D: ON THE CARTOON
Big Danny D: I turned it on
Big Danny D: and they were actually calling him Clayface II
Big Danny D: and I was mad
Big Danny D: so very very mad
Big Danny D: because that shits pointless
Big Danny D: especially on a kids cartoon
Big Danny D: its just not needed
Big Danny D: like they REALLY messed up Clayface
Big Danny D: the show originally focused around batman and these 2 cops
Big Danny D: who were trying to get him and arrest him
Big Danny D: one of the cops, a guy, was Bruce Wayne’s college roommate
Big Danny D: and they were prominent characters
Big Danny D: and the cop who was Bruce’s friend…
Big Danny D: he became Clayface
Big Danny D: Clayface I
Big Danny D: which, ok, I’ll admit, it was cool
Big Danny D: he had a real back story
Big Danny D: u knew who he was
Big Danny D: and u felt bad for him
Big Danny D: cause he legitimately was a good guy
Big Danny D: who became a bad guy thru the torture of people on the street not accepting him
Big Danny D: he went insane
Big Danny D: now
Big Danny D: Clayface II
Big Danny D: was just some smuck
Big Danny D: who we didn’t know
Big Danny D: and they gave him a background story in 10 seconds
Big Danny D: and u got an evil clayface with no remorse, and a good Clayface
Big Danny D: I understand, the 2 Clayfaces of theater
Big Danny D: comedy/tragedy
Big Danny D: its dumb
Big Danny D: why?
Big Danny D: because its a kids cartoon
Big Danny D: and 12 year olds can’t understand this
Big Danny D: i hate when they switch shit up in comics
Big Danny D: but 10-15 years can warrant a change
Big Danny D: 2 seasons on a damn kids cartoon?
Big Danny D: its like the god damn power rangers, i hate that shit
Big Danny D: and even they were full time real actors who had to be paid and eventually want to move on in their careers
Big Danny D: this is a villain on a cartoon, taken from a pool of what? 60+ other batman villains
Big Danny D: who appears in the show once, MAYBE twice a season?
Big Danny D: were the writers that much out of ideas?
Big Danny D: they couldn’t come up with a new puzzle for the Riddler?
Big Danny D: or something with 2 sides for two face to steal?
Big Danny D: or an insane rampage with the joker thru the streets of Gotham?
Big Danny D: or did they just run out of giant birds for the penguin to steal from a zoo
Big Danny D: the original batman animated series made it thru like 4 seasons with no problems, then went into justice league for Christ sakes
Big Danny D: they even gave robin teen titans
Big Danny D: so pissed off
Now go link this article to at least 15 people or you’ll be forced to sit through 1 episode of Perfect Strangers for each person under 15 that you don’t send this too.