#1 IN A SERIES, COLLECT ‘EM ALL!
Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends… Wait, I used that one already. Crud. Ah, well, nevermind.
What we got us here is the first ever installment of ‘I’m JUST Sayin,’ your in-depth look into the mind of King Cobra, a.k.a The Lizard King. Though I don’t expect to have a THEME or TOPIC, per se, but I promise I’ll try and be entertaining, make some sense, tell you some neat stories and not make you think too hard. Expect pop culture, dime-store philosophy, brazen arrogance, and the occasional obvious pass made at the closest hot young lady.
For our first installment, I thought I’d share a few things with you that makes sense to me. They’re not rules, in that they may not be universal. They’re not advice, since I’m just a goon, and have no real right to give anyone advice.
But they’re true things, sometimes. And they may help understand the general tone of the things I’m gonna throw at you come Tuesday evenings…
THINGS TO HELP UNDERSTAND MY WORLDVIEW:
1. The existence of a lane does not imply the right to pass.
2. Everyone’s job sucks. I just try to keep the suffering to myself.
3. Personal expression is a wonderful thing. That said, keep your ‘Peeing Calvins’ to yourself. 🙂
4. 90% of everything is bullshit. All opinions about things that suck, including this one, are part of everything.
5. A true conviction is defined by what it is, not what it isn’t. Saying ‘I’m Anti-fill-in-the-blank’ isn’t a conviction, it’s an indictment of character. Your own.
6. By the same token, question any decision that was made by asking yourself what X person/religion/authority figure/relative would do and then doing the opposite.
7. How a person looks isn’t worth insulting. Fashion is just a group delusion, actions are what matters.
8. In that vein, be careful when indicting the actions of others, ’cause we’ve all done something stupid and indefensible. Probably earlier today…
9. Play by the rules. If you don’t like the rules, try to get them changed. If they won’t change them, there’s other games. If you don’t like the game, sometimes you can make up your own. But sadly, there will come days when you’re playing billiards with a cricket bat. Try not to get killed.
10. No matter what it is that you believe, any group that advocates the destruction/eradication of all those that oppose it may in fact be evil… Choose wisely.
11. If a person is old, you gotta think they’ve learned a thing or two about what’s going on around them. Doesn’t mean they’re RIGHT, and it doesn’t mean their ideas will work for you.
12. Likewise, the man who wrote the self-help book may actually want to help, or he may want a lot of money from writing a self-help book in a world where any hints are sorely needed.
13. While it is good advice to not believe everything you hear, it’s equally important not to hear everything you believe. If you only truly believe what you’ve been TOLD, you’ll never add anything new to the equation. The ability to make your own decisions and create your own paradigms is critical.
14. Respect the differences between human beings… They are what perpetuates the species. (It is not wise to marry your siblings).
15. The Wonder Twins had the right idea. I defy you to think of any crisis situation that would not be vastly improved by the presence of a gorilla with a bucket of water.
16. Be honest about your weaknesses, if only with yourself.
17. Your credentials mean less to me than the viability of your ideas. Some of our best thinkers were untutored.
18. Qui-Gon Jinn knew his biology. There IS always a bigger fish.
19. The service sector is filled with people who don’t want to be there. Be as nice to them as possible.
20. Your right to swing your fist ENDS at the bridge of my nose. Any RIGHT bears with it an equal amount of responsibility. If you can’t handle the responsibility, you need to be careful how you exercise your rights. If you go looking for a fight, you’ll always find one.
21. To a great portion of humanity, being secretly gay isn’t a scandal and probably never should have been. To that portion of society that does think that being gay is a scandal: I respect your opinion, and refer you to #14.
22. We cannot control what makes us angry, or happy, or sad, or horny. We’re all in denial, but not all of us need to be ‘snapped out of it.’
23. Often times, unpleasant news is best delivered by someone close to the target. It isn’t always your business to ‘educate’ them, no matter how much you want to.
24. No matter how much it may hurt, s/he can’t help the fact that s/he doesn’t love you right now. It’s not a personal slight, and there’s no use is figuring out ‘what s/he’s got that I don’t.’ It’s not a bank transaction.
25. Competition isn’t always a good thing, nor is it a goal unto itself. Conversely, when used properly, it can be a good motivator. Use its powers only for good.
26. Possession or non-possession of a y-chromosome doesn’t make you a separate species. Mars? Venus? Bullshit. We all act the way we do because of what we’ve seen. Gender can color that, but it doesn’t define it.
27. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN? Maybe the children don’t need nearly as much protection as we want to give them… Could be all they need protecting from is us.
28. Every one of us is unique. Every one of us does the same stupid shit, every day. We’re perfectly alike, yet completely different. When you figure out how that works, you’ll understand humanity.
29. Any list of this nature should be designed so you can pick and choose, tossing what doesn’t work. It should end with ‘although I could be wrong.’
30. I could be wrong.